A waste of Space

Prologue

Joslyn knew at a very young age she would never amount to anything. Her father has been telling her and her brothers that since they were born. He told her all she would ever be good at is laying on her back. He constantly beat her and her little brothers. They lived in constant fear that he would one day kill them.

Joslyn would make sure to take the beatings because she wouldn't allow him to hurt her brothers. They were the three musketeers. They knew all they had was each other. They would even pull each other's hair to sort of become immune to it so when their dad picked them up by their hair it wouldn't hurt.

Joylynn being the oldest she felt she needed to protect everyone. Every day she wondered why he hated them so much. What could they have done so wrong? How could you hate your own children so much? Why have kids if all you do is run them down? Are they even loved? Does anyone even care?

Can anyone save them? Does anyone even care enough to save them? Is it her against the world? Could life really be this cruel? So many questions going unanswered. Will Joslyn start to believe in herself, or will she always feel like a waste of space?

Chapter 1

Joslyn's pov

Hi, my names Joslyn and this is my story. Well, I guess I'll start with my early years. I was the oldest of 3. I could say my life was all rainbows and butterflies, but that would be a lie. See my father was a drunk and druggie that was very abusive. He would constantly beat my mom. You would think that I and my brothers being so young he wouldn't hurt us. Well wish I could say he didn't, but he did.

I remember I was about four and my brother was almost two my dad got mad because he got sick in the car. My dad hit him so hard he flew across the car. My mom just held my brother and cried. I'm not saying she was a bad mom just weak against someone like my dad. We were powerless against him. I mean we were just children and were beat on a daily basis.

No one even seemed to care. No one helped. Soon after that my mom got pregnant with my other brother. I was upset I mean why bring another innocent child into this abuse. My mom being pregnant didn't stop him from beating her. It's a miracle she didn't lose my brother.

I was about five when he started calling me names that a father should never call his daughter. Why did he call me that you might ask? Well, that was his way of convincing himself touching his own daughter was normal. He would tell me no one could ever love me. That the only job I'd ever be good at is laying on my back. Great words to hear at five, right?

It was like nothing I ever did was good enough. Out of all of us he hated me the most for some reason. I never did anything wrong. I tried to be the perfect child to make him happy, but it wasn't enough for him.

I remember my mom bringing my other brother home for a little while we were a happy family. It didn't last very long, it never does. One word, one look anything would set him off. My mom found his pot plant he was growing in our garden and confronted him about it. He hit her so hard that she fell to the floor. He grabbed his car keys and took off. I thought maybe he left for good. Sadly, I was so wrong.

He came back angrier than ever. My mom was in the shower, so he grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen. I grabbed my brothers and hid them then somehow; I got the courage to go see what he was doing. My mom was sobbing loudly, and bruises were all over her. My dad had the butcher knife against her throat, he was going to kill her.

Luckily my grandmother and uncle came and stopped him. They told him to leave, and thankfully he did. We didn't hear from him at all, but that didn't mean everything was suddenly ok. I had terrible nightmares from what I had seen.

I thought he was going to break in and kill us all. At school all I did was cower away from everyone. I told my grandmother that my dad had touched me, and to my disbelief she thought I was lying. So, I held all the pain in not telling anyone, since they wouldn't believe me anyway.

I started thinking maybe what he said was true. Maybe I was just a waste of space. Maybe no one could ever love me.

Chapter 2

Joslyn's pov

My dad did try coming back three weeks later, but my mom wouldn't take him back. I was happy because I finally thought our life would get better. I was so young and naive. I think happiness was meant for everyone but me.

My mom would just sit and cry. I felt like she blamed us for the reason everything happened. If I or my brothers would make her mad, she would hit us. The one person that knew how it felt to be abused was now abusing us. I wanted to just curl up and die. The only time I was happy was when I was in school.

I had some great friends. Me and my brothers became even closer over the years as we endured the abuse together. My mom was literally losing it. She ended up having to be put in the hospital. Our grandma watched us since we all lived with her.

I would help my grandma cook and clean as well as watch my brothers. I was only nine or ten at the time, but I was forced to grow up. I forgot what it felt like to be a family. Forgot what true happiness felt like. I would smile, but it was only so people wouldn't see the pain that lay beneath.

I was truly broken, and I was just a child.

To me people that said they loved you hurt you the most. I remember going to church, and the preacher told me it was my fault my dad touched me. That I must have did something. I walked out and never went back. I know now it wasn't my fault, but then I felt like everything I did was wrong.

School started to even become torture. I didn't have the latest fashions, so kids started to become cruel. My mom was on welfare, so we didn't have much. Everywhere I went to was torture. I got beat on at home and bullied at school. All I wanted was to die.