A Tale between S & W: Not your Usual Giddy Love Story

CHAPTER 1

"What procedure do you want to do with your face?" she asked.

The suffocating atmosphere here in the bed is terrifying as I walked in. I see too many white colours. I am not an avid fan of the white colour, or any light colours. I feel like I am admitted in a psychiatric hospital when I see things painted in light colours.

But it disappeared when the female doctor came.

Her delightful aura covered the room. She smells heavenly, like newly-blossomed lavender flowers with dews at the break of dawn. It is sweet.

"Miss, what do you want to do with your face?" the female doctor asked again while scanning through some documents.

Why doesn't she know what I want to change in my face? Didn't we talk about that yesterday with her secretary?

"Hmm, Miss Doctor, I want some nose lift and a change in the configuration of my chin, I responded. "I already told you that yesterday, did not I?"

How can a doctor forget what we talked about our appointment? I thought doctors have good memory power to survive medical school. Or maybe I am just doing some common stereotypes? Am I generalizing them all this time? I am being too judgmental maybe.

She is intently staring at me. Those stares gave me unforeseen chills down my spine.

"Oh Miss, I am sorry I forgot it, I am just stressed nowadays, the Doctor said. "I tend to forget things quickly when I am feeling stressed."

What a joke. She is dragging herself down. Does not she know that she has to save face in times like this? That she has to do some alibis or make white lies? She is unusually honest. This is quite unexpected.

I already paid half of the fees after that lunch conversation in a high-end famous sushi restaurant. I foot the bill because I am too ashamed to tell the doctor that we have to pay our own bill. Everything has been set, including the procedures and the full amount that I need to pay once the surgery has been completed. I heard some medical jargons from the female doctor, but I don't remember much; maybe she did flood me with those unnecessary explanations to flaunt her knowledge in the medical field. I have the attention span of a goldfish, or you can say, even worse than that, so I just daydreamed while she is explaining an array of things. In addition to that, I don't have that much patience, too.

"Your face is beautiful. Don't you know, that by the laws of life and universe, the face you have today is the face of the person you once loved deeply in your past life? Why would you hate it? Why would you change it? Do you hate the ones you love? Do you despise them? I don't think that's the case." she blurted out while disinfecting her surgical tools.

Why would this doctor say those kinds of words? Like she does not want me to undergo the surgery. I already paid some amount. She is coaxing me to not undergo the surgery, then won't proceed to give me the refund. Maybe I am being scammed? Is this their modus operandi?

Losing a customer like me means large losses at her end. This is a private clinic; thus, this establishment aims to make and earn a large sum of money. It is not a welfare-oriented hospital.

She is acting really strange.

I should get out of here. I watch serial killer television shows whenever I had the chance, especially in my day-offs; and most of the time, those that act cute and clueless are the ones who have hidden agenda. Maybe she made those promos to lure fools like me here to kill someone? Is this the day I will die? I haven't completed the payment of my insurance. Dying today will be a burden to mom. Maybe I should have paid the remaining balance yesterday.

The plastic surgeon's face is angelic, not like the stern one I met yesterday. It is too good to be true. Her smile is dazzling, but not intimidating; it is like she suits being a doctor. But not a money-making type of doctor. It looks like she helps her patients by giving them courage and boosting their self-esteem. Gazing at her face makes my heart at ease. Her voice is more like a music to the ears. It is soothing. I paused for a moment, thought everything she said, then bade goodbye to her and opened the door.

She changed only after a day? Did she watch a late-night drama that improved her attitude? That drama must be cool. Corrupt people in the government must watch it.

I waved my hand at the long-haired gorgeous secretary at the reception. She waved back, her face in awe. She scratched her head lightly, then went back to what she is doing before I came out of the door.

I became interested in having plastic surgery in this clinic because I found a flyer that says it offers student discounts nowadays. This promo will only last for a couple of months.

That's when I decided that I will fake everything. I am going to pretend that I am high school student. I changed the way I dress when I went to the identification cards issuance office. I acted like a petty teenager, with the way I talk and act. I laughed at myself when I got the identification card. It is too easy to fool people in this government office. What if I am a criminal? They will be screwed. This country would be really screwed.

How can I not grab it? This is a once in a lifetime chance. Availing plastic surgery these days is so costly. An ordinary citizen like me cannot afford it, unless I will file a loan. The banks won't honour this kind of reason to give you a loan, though.

I have been bullied since my primary school days. They say that I don't look like I came from here, in this country. My facial features are really different from others; and yeah, I feel like I am disconnected from this body. I cannot accept these imperfections. Whenever I look at the mirror, I despise myself. But I am still thankful that I have complete limbs and internal organs. I can see, hear, taste and feel things. So, yeah, I am grateful; but for my appearance, maybe not so.

Meanwhile, I have been the target of bullying since I was young. I know why they always harass me: because I am different and I am silent. I am an introvert and shy one since my schooling days. Even if I have a readied arguments in my head every time they harass me, I cannot blurt it out because I am docile. People laughed and victimized me, be it on recess time, lunch time, or dismissal time. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my grades flunked. I cannot sleep properly at night, and eventually, it took a toll on me. The tremendous stress got me sick. I got hospitalized for days, and mom asked for our relatives' help. They did help, but the money they gave won't be enough for the hospital bills. My relatives are not rich to give us all they have got. Mother went to lending companies that are notorious to exploit people in dire need. I got discharged months later, but we had many debts after. The private and public insurance companies' programs my mom avail won't pay the hospital bills fully; that is not the way they work. They would just pay a portion of it. Mother paid the remaining debts with her salary every month, and to keep us going, she sold candies after her shift in the school, swallowing her pride. We paid the debts after a year, so I promised myself: I won't be a headache to my mom anymore. I should take care of my health. As time passed, watching and learning Filipino martial arts sounded fascinating to me. Being knowledgeable of Arnis, I can scare bullies, or, if needed, fight them. I thought to myself that if I can protect myself, I can also protect the ones I love.

Yeah, I can fight my bullies since I turn out to be well-versed with martial arts, but constantly being called in the school's guidance counselling office is a headache for me, and for my mom, who teaches the Filipino language in a nearby school, I am a big shame. Whenever we got home, she spanks my butt with a hanger. Way back then, the clothes hanger is a metal one, so the pain is nasty. I put ice packs on it after the spanking time. Asian mothers are all the same. But this way of my mom's act of discipline for me, her daughter, is for my sake, it made me grew as a well-disciplined and obedient daughter.

"People throw rocks at things that shine." a memorable line from the song of the renowned female singer Taylor Swift with the title Ours. This is my most favourite song. It is very meaningful for mistreated people like me who always choose to be the bigger person.

I shine because I am different. Rocks thrown at me are not enough to dull my shine.

Thank you, Madame. Your words are enough to free myself from shackles that limit me for a long time.

If all people are like you, then, I am fully sure that this world will be a better place. Even aliens from outer space would like to build a home here. People who think that fame, power and fortune make the world go round are the worst. You cannot prolong your life when you all got those. And you cannot take those things to your grave. Once you are dead, you will turn to dust, just like other people who died in the past centuries ago.

It is kindness that really make the world go round.

I won't get a refund for my down payment anymore. I disturbed them, wasted their time, and it is my responsibility to give that amount of money for wasting their time. It is just right. I hope they are not furious of my sudden withdrawal.

Hiraya's day started with some good vibes. She smiled and realized that there are still good people in this world and that a person can change for the better.

Minutes later, the female plastic surgeon appeared. She is profusely sweating. The secretary became wide-eyed.

"I just finished checking the patients' papers to be submitted to the health authorities. It is needed this month for further evaluation." the female doctor said while wiping her remaining sweat carefully, not ruining her makeup.

The secretary just nodded in approval to what the Doctor is saying.

"With these tedious tasks and a negligent employee working for me", I don't think I can carry on with my tiresome life," the Doctor said while walking towards the fridge. "You are the most irresponsible person I have ever met in my entire life."

With all the embarrassment, the secretary bowed her head, red-faced. She is so close to crying.

"Oh, that hurts, Ma'am," she said while pretending to be busy with papers that are already done. "I know those are my responsibilities from the start; this won't happen again, I promise."

The secretary suddenly became flabbergasted. She just remembered her encounter with the patient an hour ago.

"Ma'am, why are you here?" she asked as she remembered her talking to the patient an hour ago.

"As what I have said, I just finished the chores you should have done weeks ago. Do I need to repeat myself?" she responded with her eyebrows raised and the female doctor is beginning to be more and more exasperated with the behaviour of her employee.

"Really? But I just saw you inside the surgical room moments ago." she stated. The secretary is astonished and scared. It is apparent in her eyes. She is at a loss for words.

"That's unbelievable. I think you lack sleep again. Here you go, back to imagining silly things. Don't play mobile games the night before your shift. That's also bad for your health." The female doctor reprimanded the secretary for the nth time.

"Okay, I surrender. I played games last night." the secretary uttered.

Where is the female patient? The one who wants a nose lift and some changes in the configuration of her chin?" There's an alarming tone in his voice.

"Oh, Ma'am, she just walked away a while ago. Maybe she changed her mind of having the procedure?" she answered.

"What? Are you sure you are not imagining things again?" the female doctor queried.

The Doctor opened the surgical room door, and the secretary is right. There is no one in the room.

"Then we just lost a huge amount of money! Why did you not talk to her into changing her decision?" the doctor shouted to the employee in an offensive manner.

"I froze in my seat when she got out of the surgical room. Amazement took over me when I thought to myself that you finished such a difficult procedure in just a short period of time, but I am curious why nothing changed in her facial features, and there are no wounds in her face, she has no gauze." she said while trying to stop her tears again.

"How are we going to deal with the tremendous deficits this month? We are going to lose our job, for real. But it's expected. I hired and gave a chance to someone like you, who has attention issues, so I sort of brought this all to myself." the doctor seemed to give up on the conversation already.

"I am so sorry for not being alert and not talking into her to still do the procedure, Doctor," the employee said apologetically. "I am sorry that I am inefficient and cannot do many things properly. I destroyed your career."

"We are so done for. Let us pack our things now. I should call the authorities to give me the necessary papers for closing this clinic. I am sorry but I cannot give you your pay this month. I will give it to you some other time." the doctor said as she sat on the sofa to calm her nerves.

"She did not do a refund like the other patients, though. She just smiled at me awkwardly and walked away. Maybe this payment will save us now!" she exclaimed.

The Doctor is at a loss for words. She cannot believe that courteous and considerate people still exist in these trying times where most people are in dire need of money.

"Wait, Ma'am, so I am not imagining things? I am right that I saw you inside the room with the patient? I am not having false and unorganized memories?"

The female doctor and the secretary both look at each other's eyes. They looked terrified and pale.

A sound of deafening silence engulfed the whole clinic. Both the doctor's and secretary's face became red. They are speechless. The only things that can be heard are the honking of vehicles outside, barking of stray dogs and cats, and the shouts of street peddlers. But it did not help to cancel the eerie atmosphere inside the clinic.

"I will call the help of the local priest my family knows. He lives in the next town. This clinic, I think, is possessed." the doctor said while having cold sweat.

Chapter 2

I need to hire a taxi cab to go to the company. I am a fan of long walks, but this is not the right time for it. I am late for my shift, and I do not want my big boss to yell at me. But being in the waiting line is so troublesome. The traffic in Manila is the worst, and you can smell the vehicles' smoke even if you cover your nose with a handkerchief. It is of no big help. An asthmatic person won't survive this jungle without vines.

Hiraya pulled out her old dirty handkerchief from her old Louis Vuitton bag her aunt from abroad gave her many years ago and wiped her sweat roughly, and put it back to cover her nose that is full of acne.

Disgusting as it may look, well, whatever. I don't have tissues with me. It is a big waste of money. Tissues and handkerchiefs both do the same task.

She is not bratty and nit-picky when it comes to these kinds of things; she does not have the right to be like that. The monthly salary of her mother explains why. But she is a very avid fan of books; she choose books before buying them very wisely. For her, knowledge is more important than clothes, perfume, or makeup; it makes a human turn into a real human.

Taking a bath everyday is enough, and it is an act of goodwill. Body odour can kill. Let yourself live, and let others live.

I think of myself as an old soul.

Hiraya has a financial motto since her younger days: if you can still use it, you do not have to change it. That shows in her behaviour; she's got no money to buy women's necessities like tissues, handkerchief, cosmetics, perfumes, and chic dresses. She only passes by women's salons, but has not tried to enter it, even once. She is not used to pampering herself because the only thing that is important for her and her mother is to eat three times a day; her mother is a Filipino language teacher and her father left them when she was young for some other pathetic woman who lives in the next city. She cannot afford to spend her mother's money for these kinds of things, so eventually, she got used to being a simple woman. Even if those misfortunes happened, she still stayed as a kind and adorable person. She did not change even a single bit. Her smiles never left her face.

I need to wipe my sweat carefully, or else, my makeup will be ruined. Yeah, it is already smudged, but I think I can do some retouches in the office. I don't mind what the people say and comment in my appearance, I don't know them after all.

Her hands do not have a tender loving touch, she is used to part-time jobs that needs strength, like lifting heavy things, and she did not realize that she wiped her face roughly that made her makeup ruined; but not that much. It still looks decent from a non-beauty expert point of view.

She continued to wipe her face hastily, not like the people who do it carefully to not damage their skin. Her nose feels itchy, and she can sense something dangling from her nose. She gets her phone and used it as a mirror. There is a booger outside her nose. She used the handkerchief, then folded it again to use the part without the booger to wipe her remaining sweat in her neck. Her stomach growled.

I forgot to eat. It's already 9:00 am. Maybe the crackers I got for free in the promotional event three days ago will do. Crackers won't spoil.

She picked the crackers from her bag and took a single bite. Her expression cringed.

This tastes too bad. But there is nothing bad to a hungry person. I am hungry. This should not be turned to waste. It is not good to throw away food.

Hiraya tolerated the bland taste of the crackers, and chew each bite quickly. She almost choked by doing so.

I turned my eyes everywhere to find if my hired taxi cab is near me or what, but I saw something appalling. I almost puked.

Tall, bald, brown skin, round eyes, tattoos, muscular body with noticeable biceps. The man I am dating is here, but not with me. The only man I have dated since college. A man who came from prison. A man who I have given the chance to be with me, even with his worst background. Other people are afraid of him, but I am not. I really love him.

Her lover is first in the waiting line for the taxi cab. With. Some. Other. Woman. They are holding each other's hands, doing some public display of affection and making other people around them uncomfortable.

My man is smiling brightly while talking to her, his eyes sparkling. He never did smile like that when he is with me. Jerk.

The woman is hot. Light brown complexion, long, shiny, brown hair, voluptuous figure, round eyes, double eyelids, soft lips, beautiful face without ugly marks. She has the physical characteristics that I do not have. I envy her.

How could a perfect human exist like her? Did she do a good deed in the past to look like that? She is like a goddess walking the earth.

I have a fair skin, near to becoming pale, dry hair, super thin figure with no curves, chinky eyes, single eyelids, parched, peeling lips. There are thick, dark bags under my eyes, as I am always doing overtime. I am a perfectionist employee, so I am always stressed, and I do not take my work for granted. I grew acne for a long time. But because of my perseverance, I have been praised by my boss numerous times and foreign clients' critique of my work are wonderful; I have been never criticized badly. I am really meticulous in everything I do.

My long-existing motto is: Do everything with the best of your ability. Keep yourself in good shape. Surely, you will be rewarded sooner or later.

I only did my best, but I did not keep myself in good shape. This is my fault. It is all my fault for my appearance worsened throughout the years. He fell out of love for me because I look like an old hag walking in an office suit carrying a suitcase and old Louis Vuitton bag bought from surplus stores.

I thought my man understand why I look like this. When I accepted him as my boyfriend, he looked so happy; he looked like the happiest man in the world. He jumped out of joy when I agreed to be his girlfriend. His eyes looked sincere back then, so I did not doubt him even a single bit. I should not have been complacent. All men in the world have the same inner desires, same instincts. Once shown a whore in front of them, they lose their insanity and forgot their morals. He totally fooled me. This almost perfect relationship is a deceitful one, we never had fights that last for a long time. We solve it fast, and it is always him who do the apologies. I never did apologize first in words, I just show it in my actions, like cooking all of his favourite dishes, doing his laundry before he comes home in his apartment (I know his password), shopping his groceries, and cleaning the mess in his apartment. After that, everything comes back to normal.

My way of thinking said that we are different from other couples. He is one of a kind, not like other jerks. I am dumb.

He wooed me for a long time, and I did that to test his loyalty and patience. Now, it is just proven that the long wooing time is not an assurance that your relationship will last for a long time. If a person cheats, he will cheat. If he is an actor, I will gladly give him a Oscar award and punch him after.

Her bitter memories of primary school came back.

I am ugly, as my schoolmates have said. I think they are right. They are just being real to my face, not like someone I know. Maybe I should have let my face undergo that plastic surgery. My pale skin can be toned if I stay basking in the sun. That female doctor coaxed me into not doing the surgery; if not, I can win the contest of appearance against this damn bitch. The promo is a once in a lifetime chance to change my life that I threw in the bin. I am the worst decision maker in this world.

"You are pretty, even without makeup on. Don't bother painting your face with those costly cosmetics, it won't suit you. Your simplicity makes you beautiful. Don't worry, I won't love some other woman. Even if she is a celebrity, I won't get swayed. You will be my only love, forever, even in the next life. I will die when you will leave me."

Liar. I should not have given you my love.

Such a sweet talker. Maybe because he studied communications after having parole. You are good in your craft. Bravo. You should have been nominated for Oscars.

From now on, I will disappear from your sight, you jerk. Let us see if you will really die. I will kill you with my own hands if you won't. I wish you will get impotent for doing this to me. Having babies that will eventually grow up like you will not be good for the human race.

What was that cliché line again? I always hear it from people nowadays.

They are correct. Ignorance is bliss.

I think this line was invented by a person who got hurt when he knew something that cannot be knew if you are not smart. I wish I am not smart.

Nope, I should not wish for that. My career is at its peak now. Maybe later, if I already got so much money that I can burn. When I become dumb, I can stop overthinking things. This surely will improve my body and my face. No stress, no acne, no insomnia, no problem.

I should have just taken the bus, even if the waiting line there is longer than the cab.

Hiraya gazed at them, expressionlessly.

The woman stared at her for a second, then looked away.

The man you are with is my boyfriend, you whore.

They rode the cab and kissed passionately inside. They have no care of the world. People are cringing and whispering to each other, including the taxi driver.

You are really meant for each other. Snakes that are in human form.

Promiscuous snakes.

The traffic light blasted. The glass shatters are on the road. People panicked and some are injured. The ambulance came to assist the wounded.

Short circuit. Including my brain. With what I have seen a while ago. I think I am going to explode. I want to lose myself.

Chapter 3

Hiraya is staring into space, wondering what just happened.

Cars are passing with no care to the world, motorcycles and buses honking their horns at angry pedestrians, and walkers seeking attention from male drivers at the side of the road are the usual sights of my daily life. My senses are accustomed to these noises, the sights are typical to me, but now, it irritates me, like I want to punch and kick every person I see, like what MMA fighters do. I don't have the energy to throw a fit though; I am too exhausted even if I did not get to accomplish anything.

She is usually energetic, but this time, she felt like she already did a day's work. This is not her usual self, who is very cheerful.

"Ma'am, we're already here," the taxi cab driver said. "I will now get your taxi cab fare. It is a hundred pesos to your destination. Please hand me the exact amount, I do not have some change."

Please, would someone wake me up. This is just a bad dream; the dream that stops whenever your mom hears you crying from the other room, and she comes to the rescue as fast as she could. The dream that will be interrupted when your mom hugs you tight and gives you a warm glass of milk and hums you back to sleep. But in this case, my mom is not here, she is at home; trying to do and improvise some menus that she watched from the internet that most of the time, smell and tastes awfully bad. And, in this environment, childhood hums cannot be heard in this ear-splitting traffic. A warm glass of milk won't help either; the burning heat of the sun is enough to keep me warm. I might even have a heat stroke at this point. The air-conditioning system of the cab is not enough to keep my cool, but I cannot let it all out; my mom told me to stay calm at all times. There is no one to help me now, but myself.

She tried to breathe deeply and calmed down, even just a little.

"Ma'am, I still have other passengers waiting. I will now get your fare." The driver sounds panicky. "We are now in your desired destination."

Am I really that ugly? Does looking at my face can make a person puke?

"Ma'am, can you hear me?" The driver asked coolly.

How dare him cheat on me. He is not adorable nor handsome, but I still loved him. I accepted all his imperfections and gave him my all; well, except my virginity. Where did I go wrong? Is it really because of my appearance? He is really an asshole if that is the case.

The driver shouted louder.

"Ma'am!" the irritated driver yelled.

I woke up from my reverie.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you shouting at me? How impudent!" I am angrier than him and my tone of voice is higher than his. I don't want anyone to shout at me. Especially when I know that I am at no fault.

It is too late to realize that she is the one at fault. She glances outside, and they are already at the front of the company.

I want to disappear into thin air.

"Ma'am, we are already here. I called you multiple times but you won't respond to me. You won't move from your seat. We are already in your desired destination. Now, please, may I get your taxi cab fare and get the hell out of my cab? I have other people on my passenger waiting list. Waiting outside in this scorching hot weather is agonizing." the driver explained as he scratched his bald head.

"Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Driver." I searched for the exact amount of fare in my bag, and opened the car door. I said my apologies again.

She walked to the automatic company door, and upon nearing the door, someone shouted.

"Hey, old lady! You left your files in my taxi cab!" the voice sounds familiar.

The driver came back and got out of the car, running, carrying my hefty paper files. He now looks really irritated. With his anger, he can swallow a humpback whale.

"Next time you hire a taxi cab, don't choose me! You are a total pain in the ass! I am now late for my next customer because of you! I will have to pay the penalty and bad reviews of customers will be sent to me! People of this age are so absent-minded and unfocused. Incredible! That's what you get when you use your phones and waste your time on social media and games!" this time, he is really scary, with his eyes glaring at me.

"I am sorry, Mr. Driver. You came back to give me these files. You are so thoughtful. Losing these files means also losing my life. I will get fired if ever I misplace these. Thank you very much," my speaking tone is pleasant to soothe his temper.

I opened my bag to get an extra amount of money.

"Sire, use this to cover for your vehicle fuel. Gasoline is so expensive these days, and going back here for those files is a true act of kindness." I offered the money for compensation, I can still live without eating lunch.

The old driver let out a heavy sigh.

"No, never mind. You are the girl of the bald man in the front waiting line, are you? I think I know you are. I observed you from afar. You turned red when you saw them. I saw it with my own eyes. Now, I know why that man cheated on you. Just use that amount to buy some presence of mind and focus. Between you and me, you are the one who needs the money more. These days, men value faces than character. Always remember that. You look like a dirty old hag and smell like sweat. Do you know some perfume? Get some grooming in a beauty salon too. Do you know what a comb is? You should learn to love and care for yourself if you want to survive this cruel world. Love yourself truly and others will love you in return. Goodbye." the driver said, with his caring tone of voice.

He rolled his eyes at me for the final time. It is so amusing, how a considerate, kind man like him do some things like rolling his eyes. Instead of me being offended, I found it amusing. I still feel his concern for me, even if I ruined his schedule.

"I will have bad reviews for the first time in my life, and I should get ready for these horrible reviews to flood my phone." the driver whispered under his breath.

Hiraya watched as the old driver ran to his cab. He's really pissed.

She smiled at herself and walked to return to the automatic company entrance door, but saw someone familiar. She hesitated to walk a single step at first, and her knees felt weak, like they are going to give up on her anytime. Her feet felt numb and cold.

In an instant, Hiraya's mood change again from having a smiling face to having a gloomy one. His boyfriend's lover is her workmate in the company.

That woman with exquisite figure and attractive face without imperfections.

That light brown skin.

Her mind went blank.

What a day. This is the D-day.

What a really good day to slap someone. These hands must be put in good use. They say exercise is good for the body.