A Piece of Your Heart

I remembered some people saying that love made you see things that were more beautiful than they actually appeared.

Right now, I watched the man who was sitting across from me, his arms folded on the table with his head resting on them as he slept. I propped an elbow and laid my chin on my hand, gazing at him with interest.

I had noticed this many times before, but it never failed to surprise me every time. He was still so handsome since the day I first met him, and he never lost that childlike innocence to him despite him already being in his late twenties.

I still couldn't believe that the man sleeping in front of me was the same man who was the CEO of the biggest company NA Games Inc., which was known all over the world for its global and international success in producing the best video games.

To be honest, I had never tried their games before, but my brother loved to play them whenever he had time, and his eyes would always light up whenever I bought him a new game of theirs for his birthday and for Christmas.

As I continued watching this man, I couldn't help but feel amazed and confused at the same time.

'Nathaniel Adams...'

'Why me?'

This was probably a question that I would keep asking myself for a long, long time.

Of all the beautiful women out there who were intelligent and successful, he chose me.

Why?

***

Five years ago, I had been in love with the idea of romance.

My friends sometimes called me 'Julia the Hopeless Romantic' and 'Julia the Innocent Girl', because I would often talk about love, how much it interested me, and how I longed for a harmonious relationship that was filled with trust and affection.

When I was in high school, I would read tons of romance novels and squeal over cheesy romance movies. I would also get really excited whenever one of my friends was dating.

But I never got to experience love for myself, probably because I was too scared to try it out or because I found love much more interesting in books and movies rather than in real life. I did have my fair share of crushes though, but those were simply pleasant yet hopeless dreams.

I wasn't the most attractive girl on campus back then. I had short, mousy brown hair and a few pimples on my cheek due to puberty. My eyes were a dull shade of gray, and I was basically unnoticeable.

It was only when I graduated high school that I noticed the obvious changes in myself. My hair grew longer until it fell in soft waves below my shoulders, my eyes appeared a bit bigger than usual, my chest filled out considerably, and my curves started to develop. It had been a fascinating change since I could see that I was starting to mature from a meek-looking teenager to a young adult who was now eighteen.

When the university period rolled in, everyone around me was either dating or in love with someone. I was fresh in college at that time, and after being curious enough and telling myself to finally go for it, I tried searching for my own soulmate as well.

My 'soulmate' back then was a student from the same college who majored in IT. I was at a karaoke bar with some friends who also invited a few guys that they knew. After I sang two songs and everybody clapped for me, one of the guys approached me and asked for my name.

Most of the people there were already drunk, but I was one of the few who were still sober. I didn't like to drink that much and preferred water over beer.

But this guy... I could tell that he was clearly drunk.

His name was Tom Wallace, and he was a lean, slender man with plain features. His hair was black and neatly combed, and he had brown eyes and an attractive smile. I was charmed by him almost immediately, and within two hours of talking, I agreed to one date.

We arranged a meeting at a nearby café. I could still remember how impressed I was that he still remembered our date despite him being tipsy at that time. I even thought to myself that he might've forgotten about it, that it was all just some harmless fun that didn't need to be taken seriously.

But he didn't forget.

We talked a lot and discovered that we had a few things in common, much to my delight. I found that he was easy to talk to and that he liked to laugh a lot. He had a natural charm that drew me to him immediately.

I really liked Tom.

We started dating after that. He was patient, gentle, and had a natural way with words. He never got angry at anything, and he never got mad at me, either. He also always insisted on paying whenever we had a meal together.

He had hinted a few times about sleeping together, sometimes even suggesting it as subtly as he could. However, we weren't that far into our relationship yet, so I politely refused him. Even after that, he was very understanding and promised that he would wait for me when I was ready.

He was the perfect gentleman. I thought that I was the luckiest girl alive.

It turned out that I was wrong.

After dating for a year, I planned to surprise him on his birthday with the wallet that he'd been talking about so excitedly for months. He didn't ask me to buy it for him, and he didn't imply anything to me at all, but I took note of this detail simply because I wanted to make him happy. Even though money was tight, I did my best to save up for him just to see that delighted smile on his face.

But the moment I snuck into his apartment, I heard something.

Something that shattered my heart into a thousand little pieces.

As I approached the bedroom, the sound of moaning reached my ears. It wasn't a sound that one made out of pain, but one out of lust. I could even hear a woman's voice saying 'faster' over and over.

I wasn't naive enough not to realize what was happening.

I wanted to deny it right then and there. I wanted to pretend that I was just hearing things, that I was just tired and hallucinating.

But when I froze right there, the noises just kept getting louder and louder. No matter how hard I tried to pretend it was a dream, the reality was hitting me harder than a sledgehammer.

And when I opened the door, it only got worse.

The sight of Tom and another woman in his bed would never be erased from my memory for a long, long time.

Tom didn't even bother to stop me from leaving. In the end, I sold off the wallet, deleted all of our photos together, unfollowed and blocked him from all social media, erased his number from my phone, and tried to move on.

It was only later on that I found out from a mutual friend that Tom was a notorious charmer, a player who liked to secretly date several women at the same time, simply because he preferred some excitement in his life.

Apparently, because I refused to sleep with Tom a few times, he found me boring and started cheating on me with other girls during the first few months of our relationship.

And I, the idiot, never knew at all.

It made me feel so ashamed to this day. It left me with such a terrible insecurity in my heart that I would carry with me for a long time. Tom was my first boyfriend and yet he betrayed me in such a cruel way.

It took me a long time to recover from that.

***

Three years later, after I quit college and started working several part-time jobs, I met someone new.

His name was Ben Harper.

I decided to give love a second chance after becoming jealous of all my friends who were dating and looking as happy as they could be. Even though I had become so insecure, Ben was mature, and he helped me try to see the world from a different perspective.

He was three years older than me; I was 21 at the time, and he was 24. I was still too young to continue working as hard as I was, while he already had a stable career after graduation.

The two of us met for the first time at the park when he was walking his dog, a lovely golden retriever named Lily. I had been entranced by Lily at first sight and asked to pet her, which he allowed. He started a casual conversation, and then after that, the words just flowed between us so naturally.

We started meeting in the park a few times, where I would pet Lily and give her snacks while he would strike up a conversation with me. We quickly became friends after sharing some common interests, and I agreed to go on a date when he asked if we could try it out.

I really liked Ben at first. He had a strong sense of responsibility and was very sure of himself. He was quite honest and never held anything back, even though it might seem crass of him to do so. In my heart, it felt refreshing to meet such a personality in this depressing world, so I subconsciously relied on him.

With him, it felt transparent, and I never felt like he was cheating on me because he checked in on me so often and always texted me every morning and night. He was so committed that it was surprising and kind of flattering.

But it was also so, so overwhelming.

As the days passed and we were only three months into our relationship, he started to become overbearing. Possessive. Too ahead of himself.

Because apparently, for Ben, a commitment was a two-way relationship.

That wasn't a problem for me because that's the way it should be when it comes to a relationship, but I had mentioned to him a few times before that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, that I just wanted to keep things casual between us for now.

"That's fine with me," he told me back then in a confident tone of voice. "I won't force you if you're not ready."

With those words, I trusted him.

And later on, my trust in him shattered.

He started to get... impatient. Insecure. His calls and texts increased, his demands grew, and he even started giving me these ridiculous curfews.

I was not to stay out too late at night even though I worked night shifts on some days, and he also told me that I was obligated to inform him wherever I went.

He even convinced me to move in with him so he could protect me, or whatever bullshit excuse that was. He started referring to me as 'his', as if I were some sort of object that he needed to possess.

Things were escalating too fast for me, and I was feeling more and more like a prisoner in the relationship rather than a bird being allowed to fly free. It was such a suffocating feeling that I just wanted to get out as soon as possible.

It took me a long time to break free of Ben. I was young at the time, a college dropout who worked several part-time jobs to make ends meet. Meanwhile, he had a steady job and often bought me food and many other things. He sometimes visited my family and brought them food and gifts as well. My parents adored him for his generosity.

But I felt suffocated. I felt guilty. I felt so conflicted in my mind that I even wondered if it was a good thing for me to break up with him. He helped me financially and was so good to my parents. Who on earth was I to let him go like that? What Ben wanted from me was my dedication and commitment to the relationship. Why was I dawdling? All I needed to do was give him my heart and all of my time. That was all.

My thoughts swirled around like that for a long time.

I had been so trapped in my guilt and hesitation that in the end, my younger siblings, Ken and Louisa, had to finally convince me to let go. That it was not worth the stress to stay.

That if I was unhappy, I needed to break it off.

So I did.

"Let's break up," I told him a few days later after collecting my thoughts.

Ben hadn't been happy to hear those words from my mouth. He threw a fit and started hitting me, which shocked me because he had always been so gentle. He was demanding and overbearing, but he never touched or hurt me like that.

It had been messy. Ken and Louisa were outside Ben's apartment so that they could be there for me after I broke it off. But after I screamed loudly, all hell broke loose.

Ken barged in, and he was the angriest I had ever seen him before. Louisa was horrified and crying while calling the police on her phone.

In the end, Ben was taken in for questioning by the police, and I had to go along with them to give my statement. To make a long story short, Ben went to jail, and that was when I found out about his past history of assaulting women. I had to get a restraining order against him just in case, but then he was forced to move away.

I never saw him again after that.

And since then, I stopped believing in love.

Love was just a fantasy. In real life, people were never what they seemed. They could be the sweetest and most innocent people I knew, but they would always betray me in the end. I had to learn the hard way that they never actually loved me.

It was then that I realized how pathetic a person I really was.

Since love betrayed me, I might as well never love someone genuinely again.

It was that time of night.

In the bar where I worked as a waitress in the evenings, there was a live band every night for the customers to enjoy. I became one of the performers after asking my boss to let me join the band at least on weekends.

He was kind enough to listen to my performance and then gave me his approval. He was impressed by my voice and allowed me to perform on weekends while continuing my job as a waitress on weekdays. I had never felt more elated.

Working three part-time jobs, I could hardly exercise my creativity. My sketch pads remained empty in my drawers, and the ink in my pens had probably dried up by now.

Sometimes I still composed songs, but only when I had a burst of inspiration. Whenever it came, I had to jot down the notes as fast as I could before they disappeared from my mind. I would strum my guitar quietly at night, careful not to wake my neighbors who were still asleep.

Since I hardly wrote any songs anymore, and I was reluctant to use the songs I had composed a few years ago, I would only come on stage and perform covers of songs that already existed. I didn't mind because I loved to sing. Not only that, but the audience always listened to me whenever I performed, which made me feel very validated.

So I always looked forward to those nights on the weekends when I could do the things I loved to do.

"Hey, Julie. Looks like that man is here again."

I turned to my co-worker, Madison, who winked at me as she silently gestured to the guy who was sitting at the bar, ordering a drink. He was dressed in his usual outfit: a casual brown knit sweater with a black trench coat draped over it, and blue faded jeans that looked like they were the only pair he had in his closet.

He wore black glasses that gave him a scholarly look, and his dark hair was tousled in an oddly charming style that made him look a little younger for his age.

It was the same guy who only came to the bar on weekends when I was performing.

I had been working here for about a year. When I started, I was clumsy and awkward at first, being someone who had never been in a place like this before, but the kindness of my boss and co-workers helped me get through it until I finally got the hang of it.

Although there were the inevitable rowdies, there were also pleasant customers who were a pleasure to talk to. There were regulars that I liked, like Mr. Kennedy who had two cute daughters at home, Mr. Johnson who was retired and living his life for now, and also Gracie, an office worker who came here just to have fun.

Having been here for a while, I was able to recognize customers who were regulars as well as those who were infrequent or newcomers. It wasn't a small bar, but it wasn't too big either. It was one of the most popular bars on the street, so it was usually crowded during rush hour when everyone was off work.

I didn't know what made me notice this particular guy out of all the others, but for some reason, he seemed different from everyone else. It didn't seem like he came here to enjoy himself, but it didn't seem like he came here to search for a distraction, either.

It was as if he was only here because he was interested in something.

Not to mention that his fashion style was strangely consistent, which was one of the reasons why he stood out.

"Come to think of it, he's always present here during the weekends," Madison remarked with a coy smile on her face. "I'm pretty concerned though. Doesn't he have any other clothes?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't be silly. I'm sure he has other ones. He likes to order the expensive drinks around here, after all. Maybe he just doesn't pay attention to fashion or something."

Madison nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. Feels odd, though. It's like he's coming here for something in particular. Or someone," she added with a cheeky grin.

I laughed. "Sounds romantic."

"And hey, who knows? He might turn out to be some kind of secret billionaire, right?"

I shook my head as Madison chuckled at the far-fetched thought.

Yeah, right. As if rich men like that had time to come to a place like this. Didn't they usually go to the most lavish nightclubs in town?

As I was on my way to the backroom to prepare my clothes for the performance, I felt a pair of eyes on me. Like that feeling you get when you think someone was watching you.

It wasn't that strange to have a stranger looking at you in a bar once in a while. The men's eyes were usually roaming around the room looking for some eye candy, while the women were searching for a hot guy to lay their eyes on.

As long as they didn't lay a finger on me or stalk me home, I didn't mind.

I was curious, so I instinctively turned around to see who it was. As my eyes swept across the bar, no one really caught my eye. Everyone seemed to be focused on either the live band playing, the food, or the companions they came with.

For some reason, my eyes fell on the man Madison had just mentioned.

He was sitting at the bar, sipping his martini and staring blankly at the band. He didn't seem particularly interested in them, and he wasn't searching around for any gorgeous women nearby, either.

I wondered for a moment what he was here for. Maybe to get drunk and distracted?

But Madison, who worked near the bar, once told her that she had never seen the man get drunk before. She probably hoped to get some gossip out of his drunken rants or something.

Wait a minute, why was I even interested in him?

I shook my head slightly and continued on my way to the back room. The man could wait for now. I needed to tune my guitar properly first and review the three songs I was going to sing on stage thirty minutes from now.

Madison was right.

People were interesting to observe every now and then.

***

Soon enough, it was my turn.

I sat in the chair overlooking the crowd and felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I could see Gracie and Mr. Johnson giving me encouraging smiles and waving at me from their respective seats, which made me feel a little more relaxed.

Even though I had been doing this for a while, I still felt a little nervous whenever I was about to perform on stage. Luckily, with the nervousness came the excitement. There was just something about singing that made me feel fulfilled and at ease, like I was giving myself a piece of freedom that I desperately needed in my life.

When the music played, my voice just came out of my lips like it was second nature. It was as if I was a part of the song itself, and I could feel the emotions of the lyrics as I sang.

I had practiced this hundreds of times. I had hummed these songs at work and played them over and over in my head. I no longer needed to remember the lyrics or even match them to the melody or beat.

All I had to do was sing to my heart's content.

When my series of performances ended, I felt liberated. The feeling was so exhilarating and exciting that it made me smile when the people in the bar clapped generously for me. They looked like they enjoyed it, which made me feel happy, too.

But then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Something a little surprising.

It was that man.

The man with the brown knit sweater and the black trench coat.

He was looking right at me, smiling and clapping his hands softly.

The moment our eyes met, it was as if something inside me was stirred.

Suddenly he looked so... familiar.

Who... was he?

Where had I seen him before?