A Kaleidoscope in The Sky

It was forbidden for me to be consumed by agony every time my love story failed. When I fell in love, I fell in hard, but when I fell out of love, I fell out just as hard. The thing was, I wasn't going to be a sad, pathetic, and miserable guy. That's why I had never believed in true love, soulmates, or happily ever after. Those were the lamest concepts I had ever heard! I was not some hopeless romantic guy obsessing over grand romantic gestures. And if anyone wanted to bring up some data, there was the thing: there were still plenty of people getting divorced daily.

Divorce shouldn't have existed if people believed in that concept, should it? Happily ever after only happened in movies and cheesy romance novels. People should have known that by then.

But here I was, caught in the whirlwind of emotions, unable to shake off the memories of my time with Zack. It was perplexing and frustrating to find myself constantly thinking about him, considering my usual disdain for dwelling on past relationships. Yet, there was something different about what we had. Despite its short duration of less than a year, our connection surpassed anything I had experienced before.

I used to scoff at notions like true love and soulmates, dismissing them as clichéd and unrealistic. But being with Zack had challenged my skepticism. Suddenly, I found myself grappling with questions and uncertainties that I had previously shrugged off. What if we had tried harder? What if things had turned out differently? The what-ifs haunted me relentlessly.

The magic we shared was undeniable. It was an enchantment that I had never encountered before. Zack had a way of making me feel special, cherished, and understood. He became my greatest teacher in love and relationships, showing me a depth of affection I had never known. His presence lingered within me, casting a shadow over my thoughts and tugging at my heartstrings.

Every little detail of Zack was etched in my mind, as if I had memorized them all. The sound of his laughter echoed in my ears, and the image of his dimples graced my thoughts. Even the way he held his knife or fork seemed eternally imprinted in my memory. And those words he spoke, "You meant a lot to me, Glenn," reverberated in my mind, a bittersweet reminder of the bond we once shared.

Damn it all! I tried to push him out of my thoughts, to move on and forget, but he remained a constant presence. Months had passed, yet Zack still held a firm grip on my heart. It was a battle I couldn't seem to win.

I gulped down the white wine I had ordered at Il Riccio with a ravenous enthusiasm, as if it were the elixir of life itself. In a blink of an eye, it vanished, leaving no evidence of its existence. If Zack had been by my side, I could almost hear his voice scolding me in his usual way, "Glenn, that's not how you savor wine!" Oh, how his disapproving words resonated in my thoughts, reminding me of his absence. As a result, I found myself alone in this breathtaking place, none other than the luxurious island of Capri, nestled within the glamorous Sorrentine Peninsula.

But it was all because of Zack's persistent desire to bring me here that I ended up in this solitude.

Sitting there while gazing at the blue sea and listening to people speaking English, from British accents to American ones, some waiters rapidly speaking in Italian, Zack was smiling in every corner of that restaurant because the only thing about him that I could bring to Italy was the memory of him. You know what, Zack? I knew you would have teased me relentlessly there. You were the only one who could make me blush. And I would have done anything to have that in an instant. I wouldn't have minded, Zack. Tease me as much as you like because I wanted you to be here.

"Glenn?"

My entire body tensed up in an instant when I heard that voice. I mean, seriously? How on earth could someone recognize me here? Capri was like a hidden gem, a place where hardly any Indonesians would venture. I had hoped for some anonymity after leaving Bali, but apparently, life had other plans for me.

I slowly turned my face upward, cautiously confirming my suspicion. And there he was, standing right in front of me. The audacity! It took every ounce of self-control not to chuck my glass of wine at his face. I mean, talk about a dramatic exit. Screaming like a lunatic wouldn't have been my finest moment, that's for sure.

Damn it! Couldn't life just let me have a moment of peace and calm? Apparently not.

I swore by all the Roman gods and goddesses I had never believed in. How could he have possibly known of my presence at Il Riccio? And what on earth could have brought him here? A whirlwind of inquiries swirled within my mind, their answers veiled in uncertainty, with no glimmer of resolution on the distant horizon.

"What the hell are you doing?"

If he had possessed an ounce of rationality, he would have swiftly backed off and given me some space. But no, this person embodied stubbornness and self-centeredness in its purest form. I clenched my fists, trying to keep my rising anger in check as he responded to my question with a disarming smile. I couldn't afford to get caught up in any more drama at that moment. I had enough on my plate dealing with my own personal struggles and battles.

That guy looked just the same as the last time I laid eyes on him. The five o'clock shadow, the Hermes bracelet he only wore during our dinner dates, and that familiar haircut. If circumstances were different, we could have ended up in a heated argument or a passionate encounter. But he was the last person I wanted to see on this planet.

"You underestimated the power of fate, Glenn. You haven't changed much, have you? How are you?"

Damn it!

I had been staring at the balance sheet until my eyes crossed, but I still couldn't find the mistake. Luckily, my hair didn't fall out easily. If it had, I would probably have been bald by then because I hadn't stopped pulling my hair out. Dammit! Finding the mistake in the sea of numbers was the one thing that always ruined my mood. And on top of that, one of the clients had asked me to check their assets because they were retiring. I could officially say goodbye to the weekend.

I needed to get out of there. Screw the deadline!

If there were people who thought working alone from home was flexible, it meant they had never experienced having to handle and manage everything on their own. I didn't have office mates to talk to, no office environment to distract me, no gossip to fill my day, and every time a problem ensued, I had to solve it myself. Usually, I was pretty patient, but this time my patience had run out. Because if I insisted on staring at the laptop and kept working, I would seriously have no hair left.

I immediately left my desk and grabbed my jacket, leaving the faint sound of the waves behind. I didn't care that it was two in the afternoon, and the sun outside felt like having a tantrum. I couldn't stay inside the apartment. I needed fresh air. And only one place could take my mind off my work. As much as I enjoyed working with numbers, I refused to let them rule my life. I worked alone and never wanted to work in a company because of the working hours and seniority that stressed me out. Being a private accountant meant I didn't have all the perks of working in a company, but at least I still had a bit of freedom.

"These damn stairs!"

The one thing that always annoyed me every time I left the apartment was the stairs. This apartment might have been superb, strategically located, and the balcony might have been the perfect spot to watch the sun go down, but the stairs always made me curse even though I had lived there for two years. Sometimes I imagined this building having an elevator so my legs wouldn't ache whenever I climbed to the third-floor apartment. I was just lazy when it came to exercise, and going up and down the stairs made me gasp for breath.

After considering which way to go, I decided to take the Oberoi route. It shouldn't have been congested at that hour. I hated going that way unless I was forced to. Besides being narrow, it was a two-way street. You wouldn't have been able to move if a construction truck passed by. When I first moved there-even though it wasn't my first time in Bali-I didn't understand why people in Bali made such narrow roads with so many bends. But after a few months, I started getting used to it and took alternative routes whenever possible.

And I was right. Oberoi was smooth sailing, and within twenty minutes, I parked my motorbike in front of a bookstore that only sold English language books. This place had always been my go-to place when numbers became my foe. Although it was more practical to shop online and read with my e-reader, nothing beat the atmosphere of being among physical books. It was just magical. I could spend hours in a bookstore without getting bored. Even though my plan was always to buy one or two books, whenever I read an intriguing blurb, I couldn't resist taking it to the cashier. I didn't know how many books I had in my apartment that were still sealed because of my impulsive nature every time I went to a bookstore.

I had been browsing Goodreads a few days ago, and now, a few book titles came to mind. Because my work was already serious enough, I always turned to fiction as an escape. I hated romance novels, though. So cringy! The bookstore wasn't as crowded as usual, so I could freely choose books before stopping by the restaurant across the street. It had become a habit whenever I went to this bookstore in Seminyak. I always followed it with a visit to the restaurant. If I was in the mood, I read a bit of the newly purchased book, but if not, I just sat quietly and watched people pass by.

Because I was too focused on reading the blurbs, I didn't notice someone squatting next to me when I walked to the side. As a result, that person stumbled, and I almost fell if it hadn't been for the shelf in front of me to hold on to. Fortunately, no books fell in a messy heap that would have added to my embarrassment. The incident happened so quickly that by the time I balanced myself, I reached out to help the person stand up.

"Oops, my bad. Didn't even notice anyone around," I apologized, a hint of sheepishness evident in my voice.

To my surprise, the guy responded with a charming smile-damn, he had dimples!-and reached out to shake my hand. I couldn't help but notice how his touch felt, soft and warm. "No worries. Are you alright?" he asked, genuine concern lacing his words.

I nodded, my eyes momentarily drawn to the book he held in his hand. It happened to be one of the books I had been meaning to purchase. Quickly tearing my gaze away from the tempting pages, I refocused on the person standing before me, who was engrossed in rearranging a few fallen books on the bottom shelf.

"Looks like you were so engrossed in your search that you didn't notice someone sneaking up on you. Which book were you looking for?" I inquired, curious to know more about his literary preferences.

Without hesitation, I pointed directly at the book in his grasp and confidently replied, "Actually, I'm looking for the one you're holding right there."

"This one?"

I nodded. "I read the reviews a few days ago, and it seemed interesting."

"My friend said the same thing," the guy replied, showing off his dimples again.

Damn him! I couldn't stop staring at his face. Crap! SOS!

The guy raised an eyebrow, curious about my quest for other books. "Any other titles you're searching for?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, my expression conveying a lack of enthusiasm. "Nah, not really. I had my eye on 'The Gift of Rain' by Tan Twan Eng, but it looks like they're fresh out of it."

He seemed intrigued and suggested, "Why don't you ask if they can order it for you?"

I chuckled lightly, shaking my head. "Nah, not that desperate for it, to be honest."

The situation grew increasingly awkward, which was precisely the type of scenario I detested the most. Rather than prolonging my confusion, I decided it was time to make a swift exit.

"Anyway, sorry once again, alright?" I apologized, hoping to diffuse the tension. As the guy nodded understandingly, I wasted no time in making my escape. However, before I could put too much distance between us, I heard him call out to me, stopping me in my tracks.

"I have a copy of 'The Gift of Rain' at home. I don't mind lending it to you if you want to read it."

I paused for a moment. What the hell did he just say?

"No need," I declined as politely as possible.

Unexpectedly, the guy approached me, and when we were close, he reached out his hand-and gave me those dimples again! Bless his parents! "I'm Zack."

I looked at his outstretched hand to divert my attention from his dimples. I could have just left immediately and ignored this Zack guy who was trying to label me as someone without manners. But I didn't have time to get to know someone new when my mind was already full like this.

"Glenn." Finally, I shook Zack's hand for the sake of etiquette. The skin of his palm was so soft that it immediately made me think that Zack was a genuine metrosexual guy.

"Want to discuss 'A Little Life' over coffee?"

Due to feeling guilty for bumping into Zack, I finally agreed to his invitation. Something I had never done. Never in a million years! But having coffee with Zack would give me a better view of his dimples. "Bali Deli?"

Zack couldn't hold back his laughter-probably because he knew the restaurant I mentioned was across the street-but then he nodded. "Excellent."

"You're not a doctor, are you, Zack?"

I sipped my iced lemon tea after asking him that question. We needed a break after finishing the first chapter of A Little Life and discussing the possible events that could happen from that one chapter. It turned out he was a very observant reader. He noticed small details that I had missed. It was dangerous for me to embarrass myself because I was fascinated with him. The only problem was I could only discuss books with Gio, my lovely brother. My previous boyfriends weren't into reading.

"Do I look like a doctor?"

"Your glasses, serious face, and how you dress remind me of a doctor."

Zack laughed again before taking a sip of his coffee. I couldn't believe someone would drink coffee in this scorching weather. I ordered tea, but iced lemon tea. Coffee at this hour would have ignited trouble because it would make me sleepy. Yep! You heard me right. Coffee never successfully kept me awake-quite the opposite.

"Do I look that serious?"

"I don't know how others perceive you. For me, your face looks solemn. Sorry if I'm wrong."

"No, I'm not a doctor, Glenn. Just a regular staff."

"I might look like a bum, but it's bullshit to say you're just a regular staff."

Whether it was because of my blunt statement or because he found it amusing, Zack smiled. "Why?"

As I finished my drink, I tilted my head before answering Zack's question. "First, your Lindberg glasses. It's not a cheap brand, at least for a pair of glasses. You can't lie because my brother is a Lindberg aficionado. Second, your Salvatore Ferragamo loafers. Again, you don't need to lie because I used to have a pair. Third, you wear an Omega Seamaster 300. My former boss was a watch collector, so I know how much it is worth. Will you still lie to my face and say you're just a regular staff? Try harder, Zack."

I was never someone who cared about brands, but my brother was. His closet was full of branded clothes from head to toe. And because I used to work for an international company whose employees always wore the latest trend from fashion houses, I was pretty knowledgeable about branded items. Zack had expensive taste because if you summed the three things I mentioned, I could use the total amount for a month-long European trip.

"You surprised me."

I just shrugged. "So, who are you?"

Zack scratched his head, though I wasn't sure if his head was itchy or he was feeling nervous. At the same time, I could see his playful smirk.

"I work at a real estate agency in Sanur."

"Do you work there, or do you own the place?"

Zack laughed again. "No, I'm not that rich to own a real estate agency."

Although I still didn't fully believe his answer, the answer was enough for now. I didn't want to scare Zack with my bluntness, even though I was not trying to be pretentious in front of him, either.

"Where are you from, or where are you going to dress up like that?"

"Nowhere special. I came from Sanur earlier, from home, and I will have dinner at Merah Putih. I'm just killing time because Sanur is too quiet."

"You're determined to go from Sanur to Merah Putih," I said. Merah Putih was one of the high-end restaurants in Petitenget, "It's such a long way to go to Seminyak just for a bookstore, right? Isn't there one in Sanur too? Besides, it's still lunchtime if you want to have dinner at Merah Putih."

"I want to go to Mozaik before dinner. I love sunsets, and you can't see the sunset in Sanur."

I was about to offer my apartment so he could watch the sunset, but I held back. What was I thinking? I had just met him and was already considering offering him my apartment. Hell no!

"Do you like reading that kind of book, Glenn?"

"What do you mean? Similar to A Little Life?" Zack nodded. "Not really. I read anything as long as it's not non-fiction. My life is already filled with numbers and facts. I'm not interested in reading non-fiction books unless it's work-related. What about you? What kind of books do you like?"

"I'm more selective about books. I love historical fiction, but I read everything that catches my attention. But this book is recommended by a friend."

"You trust your friend's opinion that much?"

"She's an editor at one of the publishing houses in England, so yes, I trust her judgment."

"Do you like The Gift of Rain?"

Zack nodded. "The book is good. The narration is poetic. Maybe I'm biased because I like historical fiction," he explained.

"I haven't discussed books with anyone other than my brother in a long time. Thanks."

"The pleasure is mine."

Then we fell silent. I was busy stirring the straw while observing Zack playing with his finger on the rim of the cup.

"Would you mind showing me places to hang out or dine out other than the ones I know in the Seminyak area? I haven't explored Bali much, and you've been here for quite a while, so you probably know places I'm unfamiliar with. Of course, if you're not busy and not feel bothered."

I raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised by Zack's request. I never expected him to bring it up first.

"I'll be happy too, but so that you know that I don't enjoy dining out. Especially not fine dining. As for hanging out, it depends on your preference. I don't have a particular favorite place. Give me your number so it's easier if you want to meet up."

After that, Zack and I exchanged numbers. As soon as his name was saved in my phonebook, I couldn't wait to meet him again, even though we hadn't planned to say goodbye. But exchanging phone numbers was usually a sign of goodbye, wasn't it?

"Do you work on Saturdays or Sundays?"

"Usually, I take Saturdays and Sundays off. It would be ridiculous to work on the weekend. But this week, I think I have to work because I don't have any other choice. Why?"

"Just wanted to make sure."

"Weekend is fine. Just let me know." Then I prepared to leave. "Zack, I'd love to chat with you longer, but I must go. I have some work that needs to be finished today."

Zack nodded as if he knew we would eventually part ways after exchanging numbers. But I'm looking forward to meeting him again.

"I'll let you know. I also need to check my schedule at the office, whether I'm working or off this weekend."

"I'll be waiting."

As I called the waiter to ask for the bill and took out my wallet, Zack looked at me.

"On me, Glenn."

"No, we're not on a date. We just met, and I already kicked you into Periplus. No offence, but I don't want you to pay."

"I will be offended if you won't let me pay."

"Me too. Next time, if you want to treat me, you can. But not today." You would never win an argument with me, Zack.

"It doesn't make a difference whether it's now or later, right? Eventually, we'll take turns paying. Am I wrong?"

I sighed in frustration. Instead of arguing about who would pay while the waiter was waiting nearby, I gave in. Zack smiled, probably victorious for stopping me from paying for our afternoon snack. Once the waiter left after Zack told him to keep the change, I looked at Zack in confusion.

"You're generous."

"How so?"

"Your tip was too much."

I did glance at the total bill and how much money Zack gave. I know it was not polite, but I couldn't help myself.

"It's okay. Waitressing doesn't pay much."

At that moment, I was stunned. Zack gave a generous tip because he knew waitressing didn't pay much. Wow! I had never met someone like him before.

"Let's go!"

As we walked out of Bali Deli heading towards the parking lot, Zack and I stopped near my motorcycle because the parking spaces for cars and motorcycles were separate.

"This is my motorcycle. You have to go there, right?" I pointed to the car parking area.

Zack nodded. "It's nice talking to you. I hope we can meet again soon. We can have a competition reading A Little Life, and when we meet again, we can talk about it. Let's make our little book club."

This time, I was the one laughing. "I'll lose, Zack. I might not even want to read the book by the time I get back to the apartment. I enjoyed our conversation as well. Let me know if you're in the Seminyak area."

"Sure." Zack reached out his hand, and I shook it without hesitating, like when he introduced himself earlier. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I'm off, okay?"

Zack simply nodded as I put on my helmet and started the motorcycle. I smiled at Zack as I exited the Bali Deli parking lot.

Leaving the apartment turned out to be the right decision. At least, it led me to meet someone like Zack. Somehow, I felt slightly more motivated than before to face the numbers.