36 Years Old

At 36 years old, I feel like an old lady of 95 years. My body is young and strong, but my soul is ancient.

Although I have a happy life, I am not rich in money, but I am rich in love, my children's love. They fill my heart with love every second of the day. There is nothing more beautiful and empowering in this life than being loved by your children.

What do 36 years mean in someone's life? For some, it could mean an entire life, for some just a number, just a dream, or nothing at all.

For me, it feels like an entire life, although I know I have much more to live, to accomplish, and to see my children all grown up, settled in every aspect.

I did lots of mistakes till far, many bad decisions, and many regrets, but I know I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't taken that path. Everyone makes bad decisions, but what is most important is the ability to learn from all the mistakes.

Acknowledging your own mistakes is the major step to moving forward in life, like climbing a ladder, if you put your foot on a broken step and realize that it is broken you would take your foot away and step on the next step of the ladder. That is with life as well.

I wonder how many people actually live in the present life, I mean really live the present, the "Now". I am the type of person who tries her best to live in the present, but the past is so heavy that it pulls me back, to relive many of the moments that have passed, painful parts of my life, which really damaged my heart and especially my soul.

In the present what I can say about my soul is that I am not even sure I still have one, or I do have one, but it is kinda dark...

It is not like it used to be: a big, happy, full of sunshine soul, pure of innocence, of kindness. I used to put my soul into everything that I did, and give it to anyone in my life, just because I felt that was the right thing to do, the good thing to say it better.

I carry the pain inside my soul, every single day, it is like I can never put it down for five minutes at least, so I can breathe normally... I feel the need to yell, to scream from the bottom of my lungs, to cry out all the problems that I have. But no, I keep it all inside and I am afraid that one day I might explode or do something unholy.

My children are always surrounding me so no, I won't let my pain out, not for one second, as I do not want them to see what hides deep inside me, it is too dangerous. Too much pain has gathered, enough for an atomic bomb that can erase everything around it. I won't hurt my children, I will sacrifice myself as any mother would do, for the happiness of my children.

They will grow up and move to their houses and then I will have the time to let it all out but drop by drop as I do not want to cause a massive hysteria. I tend to be aggressive when too much is getting out of my soul, make yelling crises, throw things, and try to hurt myself. I did this kind of stuff before I had kids, there was no reason to really control myself so I would just leave it all out.

What can we do in the present other than live it? Think about what we could have done better in the past, what would be the point? Has someone invented the time machine and I am not aware of that? Or think about the future? Well, that isn't such a bad idea, thinking about the future, but not too much, like spending all day long for a long time just thinking about it. No, you can think about the future and make a theoretical plan and try to stick with it, although I am the kind of person who would rather let myself flow with the wind. Because you can never actually know what the future will bring, what is the point of making plans if there is a high possibility of never accomplishing them?

I know what you might be thinking, that there is a good chance that the plans will come true and that it happened to many successful people. And I agree with that, I believe in equality, everyone can speak their mind, everyone can choose their path in life, and decide what is best for them. What is best for me might not work for you and what is best for you might not work for me.

What is life like at 36 years old for me? Well, I just started working on my career last year, when I was 35, now it is only at the beginning to put it like that and I enjoy working on it. I work as a Virtual Assistant on several freelancing platforms, I have recently become an author, and I have published my first book which is not for everyone, even I am surprised about what I could write, but I must say I did enjoy writing it.

I believe it is never too late to start something, find a passion, get a job, or chase a dream. Life is full of endless opportunities!

Many of you have an excellent career at 36 years old, already years of experience, and many dreams accomplished. But for the ones with a similar situation to mine, I say: "Go for it, try, fail, get up and try again, chase your dreams!"

It is amazing to be able to put my thoughts on paper, my life, my soul, and my heart.

What is the present? The now? This day, this week, this year?

For each individual, it is different; I am sure of that. Because we all are unique, there is no such thing as identical in every aspect.

God made each one of us special, perfect through our imperfections.

My opinion about what the present actually is, is every moment that we live, without thinking about tomorrow. Do your best now, do what you can now, and do not leave it for later or for tomorrow, just go with it!

You never know what life is gonna throw at you. You can be happy and fulfilled now, but in the next 5 minutes, something could ruin everything. Life is unexpected!

Life is short and amazing and we need to be happy about everything, even the little things, even the bad things. While we are still on this earth we need to experience all kinds of states, it is the only way to grow, to become more powerful. That is what being human is all about, experiencing the bad and the good, being grateful for absolutely all that is happening.

Some, quite many, do not get the chance to live what you live right now.

I am thankful for every day that I am on this earth. I am not successful, I am not perfectly healthy, and I am not rich, but I thank God for everything. I know better times will come and that I need to be strong and live in this moment, no matter how hard it is. Because it is really hard, it is an awful period. I am in danger of losing my home, I can barely feed my kids.

I am sure some moms will understand perfectly what it feels like to have three children and not have the ability to be certain that you will have food on the table every day.

We are all struggling in one way or another, but the most important thing is to never lose hope. That is the only thing that can keep you alive and strong when you are in the darkest part of your life.

I must admit that it is very hard, there are many times when I feel like I have lost my hope and it is like I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. But then, all of a sudden something good happens and I get by another day safely.

The struggle is a big part of our life because it pushes us to become better, and stronger, to understand and feel the real meaning of being alive.

How lucky am I to be 36 years old? I say very luckily because I know people that would have dreamed to get to this age and live it all with good and the bad, just to live it all.

It is heartbreaking to see children that do not get to be 8 years old, so yes 36 years old it can be a lifetime, it can be an end or it can be a beginning.

This is my beginning, 36 years old is my age and as I keep saying I am proud of it because I have lived more bad stuff than good, but hey I am still standing!

I am not sure if I can even describe myself properly, I will try to do this with my writing because it is since forever I have always expressed myself much better in writing in English. It may be weird, yes, because I am a native Romanian, but I always had a love for English. Since the second grade of school to be more precise, that is when I started learning English.

Who am I? Why would you be interested in reading my books, or learning about me? I have no idea, but here I am putting my soul into this keyboard I am typing from and hoping something good will come out of this book.

I have stayed hidden for too many years, I think that I want to get out of my shell. I am not sure though; I mean, I can do that from behind a screen. I can definitely be out there.

But not in person, or in a call or video call. I am way too anxious. I lose all my thoughts and I am so nervous, but I can act so good, you could swear I am so happy and fulfilled. But I am not, I am so messed up inside my soul.

Do you know who you are, I mean really know? Because I don't, not yet. I am still trying to find myself and until then I just live day by day and watch my children grow. God, they grow so fast! There are times that I can not believe I do have three beautiful and intelligent children. It feels so unreal, that is because I have never thought that I will be so blessed.

I am remarried, being my second marriage. The first one didn't work out, but I will tell you more about that in the next chapter, where I will talk all about my past, well maybe not quite all he he.

You may be wondering if I am happy, is the second time a lucky charm? Well to answer you, there are some times when I am happy, but most of the time I am not. The thing is I am too tired to fight or to look for someone else. And I am a busy woman, I need to take care of my children, feed them, bathe them, etc. you get the idea; then to do my job as a Virtual Assistant, and my favorite part to write.

I hope I will stick with it because I really feel good doing this, I almost regret that I haven't started writing a long time ago. But I guess it is much better because now I can say I have the experience to write because I have been through so much, things I can tell you all about . Unleash my soul in black and white. It feels good!

You must be thinking that it is not easy to be a fully packaged woman, with children, a job, a husband, and no one around to help out. You are right, it is tough, but like every woman going through this kind of situation, I find my strength in my kids, they give me the power to go over everything. They are the necessary energy to pull it off in every aspect.

The best reason to live, and to have a purpose is for children, without them life is blank.

I know what you must be starting to think about: "This woman writes only about her children the most, what about her, who is she? Doesn't she live her life as a woman too?"

My children are my life, everything I do is for them, but I also try to live life for myself. I am doing it right now typing my life out.

It was yesterday night when I decided I will start having more positive thoughts, as recently I have had quite dark ones. But I had good intentions, just not for me.

I am quite lost and I am trying to find myself, and my meaning in this life. I am way too anxious and I know that it is not healthy, there are days when I am certain I have serious issues. Maybe you are thinking that too while reading my book lol.

At the moment I am stressed out about how am I going to pay my bills on time, as I was stupid enough to gamble on them. Yes, I have a serious gambling issue and I really need to cure myself of it. I just don't really know how.

I have tried that once and it worked for a short amount of time until I opened a new account at a different casino where I was lucky enough from the first deposit to win some good cash. It was really helpful as I managed to pay all my bills.

I wonder many times how is it to never worry about money, health, etc. It must be nice.

Although personally, I do not believe in appearances, there is no such thing as a perfect life, there has to be a problem, even for wealthy people, they must have something to worry about, they just do not share it with the world, keeping it high classified to put it like that.

Why do some people, like myself have the tendency to hurt themselves? What is wrong with us? Would a psychologist really help us? Does talking actually help? I would rather be writing, it is not as if I have the money to pay for the sessions and anyway the psychologist would probably kick me out after hearing so much bullshit.

God, I am so messed up!

The difference between the old me and the present me is that I try to be better, I try to get up every day and do everything that is expected of me. I do not succeed every day, but when I do it is a victory for my soul.

I am greedy, so greedy that I threw all my money into freaking Superbet, Pokerstars, and Winbet. Yep, those are my favorite online casinos. I have never played in an agency.

I am just too desperate and hoped to win some cash for the bills and for the payments that are in my father's name. He got me some loans in his name as I can't take any loans, well I do have one small one.

So desperate that I gained the courage to ask my husband to help me out by taking a loan from a friend, with fifty percent interest. It is like taking a loan from an online bank so it is perfectly fine. Thank God that he could do it. As he just got a new job and he can't help me out at the moment.

We were so apart until last night. We had a really big fight, almost to separation. And to my surprise, he came to sit next to me while I was smoking, with tears in his eyes... He asked me why we do this, fighting so badly that we almost break up. I answered him that I believe we do that because we have gone through a really bad period, recently by having food on our table because of his dad's and brother's mercy, to say it like that. If it wouldn't have been for the kids, I would have never received something out of mercy, I am way too proud to accept help. I kinda starved myself for a while and when asked why I don't eat, I would reply that I am too fat and I need to lose weight. It is partially true, I am pretty fat, but I know I will not lose weight by starving myself, that will happen over time with exercises and a healthy meal plan.

And to get back to the discussion I had with my husband, who eventually started to cry, for real, we hugged and told him that it will all be ok, struggling so I won't start crying as well. I was afraid that if I will start crying I won't be able to stop and maybe get sick. I have the tendency to hold it in for a really long time and when I can't hold it anymore and cry it all out, I almost have a seizure.

After we finished our conversation, he said that he wanted to talk to the kids as well and apologize, for he yelled at them. But I said that we need to go together as it wasn't just his fault, it was mine too. There is no such thing in couples as only one is responsible for the couple's problems. It takes two to form a couple so it takes two to maintain the relationship at a good level.

Our little boy was already asleep, so we let him be, instead, we sat down with our girls and apologized to both of them, had a group hug, telling them that everything will be alright and that we will do our best to never fight anymore, or at least not in their presence.

My daughter, who are seven and nine years old at the moment, is from my first marriage. I got divorced when they were only one and three years old. And my sweet little boy is three years old now, I had him with my actual husband.

This is my present, the life I am living at the moment if you can call it living. I rarely go out, and when I do it means going out to do some groceries, which my husband usually does every day; or when I go with my husband and kids to his dad and his brother's home. And very rare we go out to nearby cities with the kids of course.

There is no one that can help us and stay with the kids so we can go out, just the two of us, and work on our relationship as a husband and wife.

I often wonder how come we are still together, as the couple's life barely exists. I love that my husband doesn't give up easily on us, because if it was just me we wouldn't be together now. He always finds ways to get us close again.

I do not know about other couples, but I do know that for me and my husband, it is pretty difficult. I don't even take care of myself, put some makeup on, or wear sexy lingerie...

Problems, problems, and again problems... Screw it! Everything will be ok, it can only get better!

After a storm, the sun makes its way through all the clouds and shines so bright!

I don't know about you, but I have many lost memories.

I have done that myself, as trying to bury some nasty memories. I have buried the most, but sometimes if I try hard enough, they come to the surface. Not completely, but still, I can understand them. They are more like small pieces that need to be put together, exactly as a puzzle.

When asked, I brag that I had an amazing childhood, which I did from one point of view.

I used to play a lot of games, all kind of games, especially outside.

It was much better when I was a child because now you don't really see children playing outside, most of them are with their nose in their phone. I am sure you agree with me when I say that technology messed up a little with our children.

I do allow my children to spend time on their phones, but not as much as they would like it.

Last summer, in 2022, my daughters spent a part of their holiday with their biological father. They haven't seen eachother in about 4 years I think. Yeah, he wasn't very present in their life physically, but he did ask every day about their well being, and sent them money.

I know it is not the same and I agree, he could have done more. If we think about it we all can do more in life, we just choose not to or there is something or someone stopping us from evolving, or maybe even ourselves.

Now to get back to the last summer, where my girls said they had lots of fun. Indeed they went out a few times, but most of the time, guess where they were? You guessed, at home on their phones, or at the computer, xbox etc. I know for a fact that in one day they spent 8 hours on their phone, not to count the hours at the computer or xbox.

How healthy, right? They were practically zombies when they got back home. I definitely didn't agree, but there was nothing I could do, as I agreed to give them permission to spend that month with their father.

In the end what it mattered was that they were happy.

That is the second most important, us parents care about, because on first place is that our children to be healthy.

I remember how shitty my life was when I didn't have children. I was so depressed, the days would go by so slow, I would cry so often, always fighting with my ex husband, even when he was far away for work.

I got married at 21 years old, after almost three years of relationship. I was so inloved or that I was believing at the moment. That wasn't love, I think it was more addiction, being afraid not to be alone.

I got pregnant with my first daughter at 26 years old. It is not like we didn't try, it just didn't happen. I had a saying when people would ask me when will I have a child, I would reply: " When God will want me to".

I remember how happy I was when I saw those two beautiful lines on the pregnancy test!

It was a difficult pregnancy. I was so sick that I stayed in bed for the first three months. Tough delivery, but when I saw those beautiful brown eyes, everything went away. It was all worth it.

With my second daughter I got pregnant at 28 years old, it was a little bit easier to carry this pregnancy. The thing is that my ex husband wasn't happy with the news that we would have a second baby, but I was beyond excited and so happy.

Giving birth to her was quite easy, three pushes and out she was. Even the midwives were surprised and told me that this must have been the fastest birth they have ever assisted.

Giving birth it is something magical, lots of pain indeed, no matter if you give birth naturally or through a C-section, there still is pain and a tough period to overcome.

Even though enduring everything, when you hear and touch and smell your baby for the first time, every bad thought or pain fades away. You become stronger, tougher, ready to raise your child the best way you can. And I am writing this from my own experience, as I have given birth three times and I have gone through some difficult times, but it was all worth it every single time.

I have never really sat down and think deeply at all that I have been through, I guess I was always too afraid that it would be too much or just didn't care.

To make a big picture to the bad in my life, I can say this:

I have been more sad than happy

I have suffered out of love in every single relationship I have ever had

Now for this, it is hard to write it down, but I will anyway and I won't get in much details as I am not ready yet: I have been sexually molested for many years... ( I am aware that is the main reason I am so broken. I have hidden it so deep inside my soul that I even made myself believe it was never real. I do not know how exactly the brain works but I can tell you for sure that by putting those ugly, nasty memories in my Pandorra box as I call it, I have lost many memories along with it. I am 36 years old but it still hurts so bad when the memories come back... It is more than hard.. I hope one day I will be completely healed, if there is such thing, after being abused in so many ways for so many years...)

I have been used numerous times

I have never been understood ( Maybe it is because I like to think outside the box. I am not that kind of person who does what the rest of the world does, never been like that. I like to do things my way. I do shift personalities pretty fast too so, yes it is hard to keep up. But come on now, I can not be the only one who is like that, I am not a damn alien or god knows what!)

I have made lost of bad decisions

I have lost most of my opportunities

And so on....

But hey, it is not all bad in life, we need to see past through everything, so here is the good that has come in my life:

My grandparents, may they rest in peace! (They have raised me and loved me so much! I have lost my grandma when I was 19, I still regret it that I wasn't more close to her, as a friend... She was an amazing woman, so strong, so loving! About my grandpa, you have never met a man like him. He was beyond amazing! He had a golden heart, he would make you laugh every day with his jokes, even if you would have been in a really bad shape, trust me that he would have made you laugh. God, how much that man loved me, he was more than a grandpa, more than a father, he was my guardian angel. I lost him last year, on 10th June 2022... Covid they said, but he wouldn't even go outside... I still feel him around me... His love for me was infinite, he lived for me to have a good life... I could really feel his love, so honest, so sincere, he would have literally done anything from me. Now I have no one to make me feel that way, not my parents, not my husband, not my kids....)

My three children, the light of my life, the reason I am not ending my life (I know I would be a coward to do that, but trust me there are days when I feel that I would be capable of just shovelling a knife in my stern... I always feel so much pain inside my soul and sometimes I can not stand it anymore. I look at my children and I know that they need me, we all need our mothers!)

I can still walk, see, hear, smell, touch...

Until my twenties, I looked hot, I was happy, laughed a lot, and just lived my life.

What happened is that I got married and out of a sudden I just closed my connection to the world. Spent most of the time indoors, I would go out just to do the groceries, and I would carry everything, no matter how heavy it was.

My first husband would stay at home and play on the computer. How nice, right? Oh well, it was fine, or not.I shed so many tears for men who didn't deserve one. I wasn't perfect either, but I have never looked for perfection in anyone. All I ever wanted was to be loved and respected. I didn't get any of that, or at least I didn't feel it. Now all I want is peace and sometimes loneliness.

Many dark memories, few of happiness...I've been raised by my grandparents and trust me when I write this, there is no greater love that you could feel, than from the parents of your parents.

They have loved me and supported me all their lives and I thank them for that, even if I am not sure they can hear me from where they are now. God has decided to take back his angels, because that is what my grandma (who I always called mommy) and my grandpa, have been, angels in my life.

I was more than lucky to have them, I was blessed with such wonderful people to raise me!

I am not sure when exactly I have realized that I may be depressed.

What I remember for sure is that I have tried to end my life many times.

Not sure if I was either 14 or 15 when I first tried to do that. I was inlove and I had to break up with that boy just because I was afraid that he would have broken up with me first. I did a stupid mistake and kissed another boy. What a silly girl I was!

I did love kissing boys. I used to play lots of kissing games and I always had the chance to kiss them all, how slutty of me!

I was very naive and curious for many years.

I fell in love so many times and I always ended with a broken heart. Most of the times I guess it was my fault.

But those were just teenage crushes, although the pain from the broken heart still is there. It didn't feel like superficial love, I put all my soul in it.

That was always my mistake, I would always dive into a relationship with all my heart and soul. I was too much.

Most of the time I have tried to end my life because I couldn't stand remembering the awful stuff that happened to me.

I was molested for several years.

The person responsible it is still free. But I put my trust in God to put our lives in balance., a thing that some of us call karma.

I tried to forgive and move on. It worked but not for long.

I tried to run away and start a new life where no one would know me and that I would forget all the bad in my life. That didn't work either.

I know what most of you are thinking, that I should have gone to police and I should have seek a counselor.

Easier said then done.

I was always I prade for boys and men. They have always loved the way I looked. Thankfully it is not the case anymore.

The wish I had when I was a teenager has come true.

It is not a good thing though, I do not like being overweight. It is not good for my health, I get tired easily and so on.

I was raised by my grandparents and as I previous wrote, they were my angels. Yes, they did spoil me, I admit it.

My grandma died when I was 19 years old. I was heartbroken, I even ran away from home with my boyfriend. But I did come back home after a while because I just couldn't stay away from my grandpa.

He died just last year, on June 10th 2022. With his death he took away a part of my soul. I miss him so much every single day...

He lived for me, he fought with death many times just for me.

What a wonderful man he was! More than a father, my best friend, the only one who would get me without me even talking.

I took care of him the best way I could, as he did for me my entire life.

It was very difficult to let him go...

I struggle every single day, I do my best to not show it to anyone, by putting a fake smile on my face and act as I am so optimistic, that everything will be ok.

Recently I have made my first post on social media about my darkest thoughts. I didn't think that anyone would try to confort me, but to my surprise there were many people who took from their time and commented really encouraging things for me.

Since I become a mom for the first time, almost 9 years ago, I have never thought that I would get such dark mind again. But recent situation pushes me too much.

I have three amazing children, my oldest daughter Sophia will be 9 years old on May 1st, my other daughter Gilda is 7 years old and the little one Robert is 3 years old.

Thanks to them I am still alive, they are my only reason to stay alive.

I still have hope that the sun will shine again for me and that is a good sign, at least on this moment when I am feeling a little hope, on other days the hope is gone and I am holding onto every day to be able to move forward.

Am I really depressed? Have I really been living with it for so many years?

I remember that I was 20 years old when I just shut all the connections with my friends for no reason.

Until then I was a happy girl, I would feel so amused if you would have just showed me your pinkie.

Sometimes I open my highscool album to see what my colleagues have written to me and most of them have written that they wish for me to stay as crazy and funny for always.

So yeah, you can say that is a good proof.

They wouldn't recognize me now anymore, what I have become. Scared to answer a call, scared to have a video call, scared to be myself only if I drink some alcohol.

I do drink alcohol, I like the way it makes me feel after 2-3 glasses, it is like I am truly myself, no shyness, no anxiety, no depression. That state of I don't give a shit, if you know what I mean. It feels good, I need that feeling.

My kids are with me almost all the time, but I still fall in bad moods, like I want to scream from the bottom of my heart and let all this pain inside me to get out and leave me.

I hold it in for them, I do not want to scare them so I do what I know best, pretend that everything is fine, although my oldest daughter often realises that I am not ok. I always do my best to assure her that everything is fine and if it isn't it will definitely be ok soon.

A strange thing is that when my husband is at home and not in a bad mood, I feel better, even though he doesn't spend time with me, I just feel good knowing that he is at home.

Although we don't get along very well, we try to make it work the best way we can.

I have loved him so much at the beginning, even though he didn't love me back, but now everything had changed as he hurt my heart too many times, I don't feel like bringing the moon to him anymore.

Many many times I wanted to end this marriage too, but he didn't let me, he is very decided that we can make it to be together and grow old together.

I am not so sure that is possible as I still have the urge to get him out of my life.

Maybe it is because I have always had this instinct if you could call it like that, to push away everything that might be good to me. Or I don't know.

I've been in dark places before and it took me years to get to the surface. And I did it myself, with no help, no counselor, no therapist, no treatment, nada.

I know I am stubborn, I have always been that way.

What can I say, I am an Aquarius, a very independent being. I love to think outside of the box, I love to do things my way.

I would rather be the wolf than the sheep.

You could say I might be bipolar too or just very mentally instable.

But then I ask you this: Would a mentally instable woman be able to take care of her kids by her own?

My husband is always somewhere, either he îs at work, either he goes to visit his dad and oh yeah, warm weather means time for fishing.

And when he is in the mood for going out as a family, I am not because I am too pissed that he doesn't give us more of his time.

I know, maybe I am too harsh, but you do not know the whole story, you will if you keep reading.

So how do I manage when I am at my darkest point? How do I survive?

For example I write, like I am doing now, or just seek a way to distract myself, like working, taking care of the kids, doing chores, spend time outside when the sun is out on the sky. Anything you can think of to just distract myself.

Of course sometimes I can not hold it inside me anymore, and then I make sure my kids are not around and I start crying and let a little of that pain that I hide, get out of me.

Then I wipe my tears, run to the bathroom and wash my face and act as everything is perfect.

The question is, for how long will I be able to maintain this facade? Will I be able to do it for the rest of my life, or at one point in my life I will crack?

Well, all I wish is that I will be able to see my kids as grownups, settled in their homes and then I will be happy, knowing that I have fulfilled my mission on this world.

No one is helping me to raise my children and yes it is hard, but I do not have any regrets having them.

I believed that I will never have kids and exactly when I lost hope, God blessed me.

I am thinking now about the people who do not have kids and they suffer from depression or other ilnesses.

I believe it is best that they seek help in doctors, if they can afford it. I for one can't.

I wonder how did I come to this age of 36 and still stand.

With trust in God and my inner strength.

I can not ask for help through words, I have tried that with my husband, but he doesn't understand me.

I always express myself better through writing, I don't know why is that, but that is the situation.

There are many people that I know of who prefer calls, not me, it is a challenge for me to answer a call, I get so nervous that I shake.

There was a period of time when I would tell myself each day for several times that everything will be ok. I even believed in it and it worked for a while.

Now it is like I do not have the strength anymore to say it, I often forget to say it... I forget many things...

Maybe if I would find the strength to be able to reach for the light at the end of the tunnel, everything would be fine eventually.

I will try, that is all we can actually at least do, try!

From trying will come do and from do will come done.

At least that is how things are supossed to work, isn't that right?

I used to think that I was always right, what a hypocryte!

No one can be right all the time, just too stubborn to listen to other's people opinion.

I've been told so many times as a small kid that I was bad, because I didn't listen, that it got stuck into my head.

I do believe there is some bad inside me, I think it is part of who I am, although I have never hurt someone with intention.

I have always tried to get along with everyone and avoid fights.

Ignore the haters as someone would say, because indiference will kill them slowly.

All you have to do is mind your business, not caring about what people do, just do your best to be the best version of yourself and live the life you want.