14 Days to Love

May 2022...

As I lay on the cold hard floor, tears trailing down my eyes. I question my sanity, is this truly what heartbreak feels like? My chest feels as though a spear had been forgotten in it.

But how could you lose something that was never really yours to begin with?

Marcus, a man I was infatuated with for several months, had just told me I meant nothing to him. Our relationship was quite discreet, due to the circumstances we found ourselves in. Okay! I'll just be honest, I loved Marcus, and I thought he loved me too, at least that's what he said. Long story short, he chose someone better, they always choose someone else, someone that's not me...

Should I be feeling this way? I mean, who am I kidding! I'm no stranger to unrequited love. And in all honesty, it's all I've ever known.

The pain of loving in vain, never being loved in return... always at the window looking in, longing from afar. The feeling of drowning in myself-indulged emotions.

I'm not going to lay here feeling sorry for myself any longer, I'm not that pathetic, "come on lora!", I said as I sat up and wiped the tears off my face with the back of my palms.

I picked up my phone and stared at the last conversation I had with Marcus that left me in tears. I read it over again, this time I was hoping not to cry, I was hoping it would help me let go. I had confronted him after I saw his post online;

Lora; is this some kind of a joke? Cuz it's not funny Marcus.

Marcus; Lora, I wanted to tell you at the right time, I just didn't know how..

Lora; tell me what Marcus?

Marcus; I'm sorry but I can't continue whatever this is.

Lora; whatever this is?

Marcus; Us Lora, us!

Lora; you should have told me this before you went ahead and made me fall in love with you.

Marcus; love? Do you even know what that is? The attention? The texting? I don't see it as love. Love is what I feel for Penny. I hope you weren't thinking we were in a relationship or anything?

Lora; it was all a lie?

Marcus; I never asked you to be my girlfriend, so what the heck are you even talking about.

Marcus was right, he didn't ask me to officially date him or anything, I did this to myself...

He was never mine...

I guess I only assumed we had something going on because of how often we texted each other, oh well...

Holding back the tears I deleted his number and put my phone aside. I washed my face and did my braids into a ponytail. Feeling restless, I desperately tried to mask my pain, I didn't want anyone to know I had been crying for the past 3 hours, over a boy that wasn't even my boyfriend. It sounds pathetic now that I think about it.

Marcus never treated me right, he just made me feel seen, and I guess I perceived that as love.

I relate extremely well with the ghost bride, because I do feel like a ghost most of the time, I had no main character moment. I was so used to being the bridesmaid and never the bride... and sometimes I wished I would just disappear completely, I'd be out of sight.

At this point I was staring at myself in the mirror, pointing out every flaw, every insecurity. Everything that was wrong with me, because I was the problem. Maybe if I had lighter skin, or if I wasn't so slim I'd be a sight to see, maybe people would actually look at me and admire me.

August 2022...

Summer break rolled around, it'd been 3 months since my supposed breakup and I had gotten the email inviting me for summer camp, the same camp I met Marcus. Before I could get lost in my flashbacks, Nina called me. She was my only friend, I could almost say we were besties, but Nina had other friends, and I was tired of assuming relationships with people, but she was honestly the closest thing I had to a friend. I picked up the phone:

Lora; hello?

Nina; hey girl! I just got my mail, have you gotten yours?

Lora; yes, I just got it.

Nina; (excitedly) are you coming?

Lora; I don't think so...

Nina; (with an obvious change in tone) and why's that?

Lora; nothing really...(obviously lying)

Nina; please come, I want to see you again, at least just think about it. I'll call you in a bit to know if you've changed your mind, bye girl.

Lora; bye.

I met Nina at the last camp, she was the only person who tried to talk to me. She was nice and welcoming. Inasmuch as I don't want to see Marcus again, I do miss Nina, like a lot.

I didn't tell Nina about Marcus and I. I was good at keeping everything about me private.

Nina on the other hand found love at the last camp, she met a boy called Victor, they are the cutest. I would always walk her to go see victor, moments like those were what made me feel like a bridesmaid.

I met Nina before I met Marcus. Nina spoke to me when we were offloading our bags, and she helped me get a room because I was new and that was my first camp ever. I sat close to Marcus at orientation. He turned to look at me several times and I noticed he had a smirk on his face, little did I know he had stolen my number from the paper sheets we wrote out information on. And he texted me that very night, he never actually tried to talk to me in person, I guess I know why now...

He would just text me saying,'I saw you today '. We kept in touch even after camp, I was fresh outta high school at the time, and I was only 17. We texted for months before I saw his post about making things official with Penny.

Penny is what you'd call an 'It girl', the perfect physique. Hips, beautiful legs, thick thighs, everything!

A few hours later I got another call from Nina, I know exactly why she's calling, she wants to know if I've changed my mind. Honestly, I'd rather be in my room for the summer, especially after what happened with Marcus, death would be a better punishment than running into Marcus and Penny at camp. But I knew I had to choose Nina, as I answered her call I told her everything, a part of me knew I needed to confide in someone, and Nina was the only option. She sounded really mad and told me not to worry about it. I felt relieved after finally telling someone something that had been on my mind for several weeks.

I walked over to my wardrobe to get my stuff ready, camp was only 3 days away. Replaying memories I had of Marcus and how it would feel to see him with Penny, because as much as I'd like to deny it, seeing him was inevitable. And seeing him would break my heart all over again.

Sitting in the passenger seat of my mum's car as she drove me to camp. I found myself looking out the window."Honey, the gap year your dad suggested seems to be a great idea. Don't you think so?" Her voice cut through the silence, "uhmm, yeah.. I guess" I said, trying not to prolong the topic. My dad had made me take a gap year after highschool, I didn't like it, but I also couldn't complain . I was 18 now, and my parents were preparing for me to go to college the following year. My mates from school were already in college, and would post pictures of them living the 'college life'.

"Have you noticed you've put on a little weight my dear?" my mom once again broke the silence, "really? " I said with genuine surprise," I had no idea" I added.

I could see the sign board of our camp ahead, it read the GOODWILL RESOURCE CAMP. It was a camp aimed at training teenagers/ youths in order to make us better people.

Soon after we arrived at the gate , my mom dropped me off, and before she left she wished me the best summer ever, "baby, I love you okay. Have fun, you're beautiful dear, never forget that" were her last words to me because she drove off. Fun? Beautiful? and me in the same sentence didn't seem right. But mom was right, I did add some weight, I was too busy dwelling in my self hate to notice.

I walked through the gate with my roller box in my left hand, I was on time too. Other campers had formed a queue just ahead of me, and I hastened my steps to join. Just then I heard my name, I turned to see who it was. It was none other than Nina, she ran to hug me. I hugged her back, I missed her so much, but I've never been good at showing or understanding my emotions. "You came!" she said, still holding on to me. " Of course I did, I wouldn't miss seeing you again for anything" I said, pulling slowly away from the hug. " Girl! You added some good weight", Nina said confirming what my mom had told me, I smiled trying to take in the compliments.

Nina and I both joined the queue, I let her stand in front of me since she was shorter.

Soon after, Nina and I were in our rooms. Lucky for us, we managed to be roommates .

The rooms at camp were spacious enough for two people, small student mattresses were placed at either edge of the room."I have a lot to tell you", she said as we unpacked our luggage into our separate wardrobes that were close to our students' beds. "I'm happy I came then", I said trying to match up to her vibe. " Uhmmm, how's Victor? Are y'all still together?" I said, " he's fine, he's gonna be at the camp soon" she said excitedly. More bridesmaid duties I guess, I'm happy for Nina, truly I am. And this year I have no intention of wanting to be seen or admired. I'll just accompany Nina to meet up with the love of her life and give her space when needed.

Orientation was going on for first timers, Nina and I weren't first timers. Nina had been here 3 times already . Nina was checking her phone very frequently, with an anxious look on her face, "he's supposed to be here already" she muttered underneath her breath. I immediately knew she was waiting for Victor.

We made our way to the camp resting area, it was a garden.it had benches scattered around it with a beautiful entrance made of flowers. We walked past the entrance and sighted Victor, there appeared to be someone standing behind him, someone taller than he was. As we got closer, Nina ran over to give him a hug. With a half smile I waved victor, my eyes met that of the person standing behind him. It was a 6 feet chocolate skinned young man, with a low shave, he had very full brows that complimented his face perfectly, he also had a cute beard that appeared to be trimmed.

Marcus didn't stand a chance when it came to this man's looks, he was gorgeous. Nina and Victor finished their emotional hug and turned to introduce us to his friend, the man standing behind him.

"This is my friend Ken", Victor said, "hi Ken" Nina said with her hand stretched to him for a handshake. "Hi Nina, I've heard so much about you. You have my guy here in a lock and key", Ken said, Nina's face flushed. Ken had the sexiest voice I had ever heard. He talked softly with a baritone voice. That's what made it sexy, the baritone. I stood behind Nina stealing glances at the man in front of me. "And this is Lora, Nina's friend", Victor said pointing in my direction. Ken walked a few steps towards me, with his hand stretched out for a handshake. "hi Nina, I'm ken" he said, "ken like the Barbie ken?" I said, trying to be funny, I felt stupid for the joke immediately after. Ken chuckled, "yes, exactly like the Barbie ken", he replied. Making me feel less stupid, Ken held my hand a little longer than necessary as his eyes peered into mine in a way that I didn't quite understand. Our little episode came to an end as Victor cleared his throat, giving Ken a knowing look. I tried my hardest not to steal glances at Ken for the rest of the evening, each time I looked over at him, his eyes were on me, I didn't know how that made me feel...We soon felt the need to excuse the couple. Ken and I walked in the opposite direction to where Nina and Victor sat in an attempt to give them privacy. When we were far enough, Ken and I sat down on a garden bench as we had left Nina and Victor on the mat.

"So... you go to the same uni as victor?" I managed to break the awkward silence. "Yeah, we do," he said, his answer was brief. I felt like the man next to me had no interest in talking to me, and I wouldn't blame him, men that looked as good as he did didn't interact with people like me . Silence lingered. "What's camping here like?" he said after almost 10 minutes of complete silence, "I think camping here is alright", I said, trying to match the energy he gave in his previous reply. There was space between us on the bench, almost enough for another person to sit, and each time I turned around I caught him looking at me. The way his eyes moved around my body made my palms sweaty, 'is something on my face?, are my clothes worn wrongly?' were the thoughts in my head...

Victor and Nina soon joined as we made our way back to our separate quarters, females and males were separated for obvious reasons.

I sat on my bed thinking about the awkwardness between Ken and I, I didn't know him until today. But his coldness towards me was nerve wrecking, it made no sense with me constantly catching him stealing glances at me. And he didn't look away when our eyes met. "How's the Ken guy?" Nina asked, interfering with my thoughts. "He's chill" I said, I was trying not to think about him and our awkward interaction. "I caught him looking at you", Nina said with a suspicious grin on her face. "Oh, I'm sure that was nothing. He definitely doesn't find me attractive" I said getting up and heading towards the bathroom that was located not very far from my bed space. "And how are you so sure??" Nina said as her eyes didn't leave the screen of her phone, I'm sure she was texting Victor. "Our interactions Nina, he wouldn't even talk to me" I said, trying not to sound concerned that a complete stranger had no interest in talking to me. "Why are we even having this conversation?" I asked Nina. "Because I think he's into you," this time her eyes were on me. "It's a bit too early, don't you think?. And I honestly don't want anything with anyone not after..." I hesitated, not wanting to say his name. She looked at me knowingly. "I understand," Nina said.

The next morning was a brief lecture about CPR. Nina and I got to the lecture hall and found out Victor had kept seats for us, and my seat was next to Ken's. I sighed 'how perfect ' , definitely being sarcastic. I sat down after saying hi to the guys and I could feel Ken looking at me again. I was suddenly so self conscious, and I mustered up the courage to ask, "why are you looking at me like that if you wouldn't even hold a conversation?" I regretted it immediately as my lips parted slightly, as though I would swallow my words. "You have beautiful eyes," he said, still looking at me. A smile formed on the edges of my lips as I looked up at him, I was terrible at accepting compliments. "Thank you," I said. "And.. uhmm, about yesterday, I'm not very good at starting conversations but I promise you, I'm not a snub" he continued. I was quiet, did Nina tell Victor what I had said? Is he thinking I'm a nag or something..

"I understand," I managed to say, trying not to get mad at Nina.

The lecture was over and we were on our way to the camp cafeteria to get our lunch as we missed breakfast.

"Oh, sorry I didn't see you there" someone said as they bumped into me, the voice was too familiar.

I turned and it was Marcus,my blood ran cold as his gaze met mine, with the same shock on his face.

"Lora, uhmm..." he muttered, "I wasn't expecting to see you here this year". I was completely silent, staring at him....

I walked past Marcus like he hadn't tried to have a conversation with me, something he had never done in public, he only wanted to talk to me on the phone.

I sat down on the same table as Nina, Victor and of course Ken who saw what had just taken place. "Do you know that guy?" a voice said from beside me, it was Ken. "What guy?" Nina said in a worried tone, she had guessed right, "it was Marcus I said" my eyes peering into hers trying to hide my sadness. Ken looked at Nina and I, as if trying to understand the situation. I'm sure Nina had told her boyfriend about my secret because of the way he looked at me. I was too sad to be mad at her.

Ken was the only one who looked confused..

I turned to look at him and I couldn't see a little bit of concern in his eyes...

Days went by so fast, with the continuous loop of hanging around Nina and Victor as they never missed their evening meetups. Ken made the experience more bearable as seeing him made me feel less alone.

"Lora, let's go" I heard Nina say one evening. At this point it was day 4 of camping at Goodwill, we were done for the day, and she was on her way to go see Victor by the garden area and wanted me to accompany her.

Did I mention it was a 4 week camp?

I guess not...

"I don't think I can come with you today, have fun" I said trying not to seem melancholic. Nina looked disappointed as she left me alone in the room. My phone buzzed, as I picked it up I saw a message notification from an unknown number, "let's go get ice cream". I had a confused look on my face, I had no idea who had just texted me, barely seconds later I got a call from the same number. "Hello" a familiar voice said from the other line, "Ken?" I said in disbelief. "I'm outside the girls quarters, uhmm" he hesitated... "I was hoping we could get some ice cream?I didn't want to be a third wheel so I was hoping we could hang out" he finally said. I had no idea what to say. How did he get my number? Why does he want to get ice cream, were these green flags??..

"Sure, I'll be out in a sec," I said, ending the call and wearing a top over my shorts.

"It's so difficult being a third wheel without you," Ken said as we walked away from the ice cream truck while holding small cups filled with ice cream. I got the chocolate flavored ice cream and he got the vanilla flavour.

It was our first time hanging out that wasn't induced by accompanying Nina and Victor.

"Those love birds will leave you squealing at their romance" I said without looking at him.

We soon found seats in the and we're deep in a conversation about a movie we had both watched. It turned out we were both movie freaks, and I was beginning to look at Ken as someone who could be my friend.

My phone beeped, it was a message notification from an unknown number. I recognized it, though I had deleted it a few months ago, "we need to talk", the message read. My eyes widened, it was Marcus. My heart skipped, "is everything okay?" Ken asked. I hadn't told Ken about my situationship with Marcus, I didn't feel the need.

"Lora?" Ken said as he reached for my free hand.

Our hands are touching, the feeling is electrifying. I had been trying to hide my attraction to Ken, but these gestures are driving me Insane.

I looked up at him, my breath fastened, his hand still holding mine. He looked into his eyes, and there it was again, that look, those eyes...

"I'm fine" I lied, I had to lie. How do I explain that just a simple text had me questioning my sanity all over again, how do I explain that the sender was never even mine?

I could tell that Ken didn't believe me, but he didn't ask further questions. I looked down at where Ken's and my hand touched and swallowed...

What are these feelings? Why can't I regulate my breathing, is he noticing how nervous I am?

His eyes were still on me. I pulled my hand away slowly, I don't want to be delusional anymore. This means nothing, he held my hand because I didn't answer, and that's all, there's nothing more to it, right?

There it is, the over-thinking...

"It's getting late, I should head back to my quarters", I finally quieted the voices in my head as I said to Ken. "I'll walk you back." he said as his eyes followed my movements...

"Don't worry about it, thank you so much for the ice cream." I said as I motioned to leave, I felt him grab my arm. "I insist," he said. He was standing, our height difference was very obvious, he was literally looking down at me, I was so small close to him. There it was again, those eyes. I was dying to ask him what it meant, the way he looked at me.

I needed to get away from him, his presence started to do things to me. Is this a crush? I guess it is...

"Maybe some other time Ken", I said, pulling away from his grip. He had no idea what his touch was doing to me.

He nodded, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then" he said, I turned to walk away, I couldn't feel his eyes on me as I walked away.

As I approached the girls quarters I could see someone standing at the entrance, that physique was familiar... oh my God, it was Marcus and from the look of things he had seen me already ...

"Nina, did you get my text?" he said as I got close. "What do you want?" I asked, emotionless, I don't know how I managed to pretend like I wasn't happy he wanted to talk to me, like I wasn't hoping he'd wanted to apologize for everything. Hold that thought for a moment. I'm attracted to Ken, no doubt and for that reason a part of me was hoping Marcus wasn't here to apologize.

"You've been ignoring me all week at camp, and you wouldn't even reply to my text, I had to come here." if it's something this man has, it's the audacity, after what happened he expects me to grant him an audience?

"I guess you've just never seen me when I'm not in love with you". I said as I walked past him and into the quarters, I went up to find my room empty, of course Nina's still out, I cried myself to sleep that night, it wasn't easy keeping up this act of being strong...

It was the beginning of the second week at camp, which meant we were almost halfway through...

I avoided physical contact with Ken, the nervousness had gone down two tones.

We were walking out of the lecture hall, Nina and Victor had ditched us, "Do you have plans for later?" Ken said, "not really, do you?" Before I could get a reply, my eyes fell on Penny. She and Marcus were in front of me with their arms around each other, I hated her so much. She was everything I wasn't. I hated her guts... maybe because I didn't have any. Maybe I didn't hate her, she was better than me and maybe that's why she got picked over me. Marcus, that bastard, he was begging me to talk to him a couple of days ago, here he is in someone else's arms...

Ken noticed what was going on and put his hand over my shoulder making me feel even smaller than I initially felt. Wait, did he know what transpired between Marcus and I? Either way, the feel of his hand on my shoulders eased the situation. I could feel Marcus looking in our direction, but I didn't care, I really didn't care...