Chapter 1 KILL THAT DREAM

"You want me to say it? Fine! You are too fat, you can never be a successful actress,Charlotte.

What makes you think you will get a role in the audition? How many female actors of your size do you see in a Chinese drama getting major roles? And worse you are mixed with black. Be realistic".

Those were the words of my boyfriend,Jun, after I told him about my upcoming audition for a movie.

I tried to keep my emotions in check.

"Why do you say it like being mixed with black is a bad thing? Besides there are many plus size female actors in Hollywood"

I replied.

"Oh you want to go to America? You will sure make a good comedy show,look I don't mean to make you feel bad, especially when you are suicidal. But why not stick to the waitress job that I suggested and quit this idea of being an actress".

I looked down sadly.

"I came because I wanted to seek your encouragement. I didn't know you would get this upset."

"Upset?"

Jun said with a humorless laugh.

"You think I'm just upset? That's my problem with you".

I looked up at him with glistening eyes.

"Acting has been my dream,since I was child. Why can't you support me in this?"

"Because It's silly!" he snapped back, his voice rising.

"I'm your boyfriend, Charlotte. You're supposed to respect me. If you cared about me, you wouldn't even be arguing about this. You will stick to the waitress job, like I told you to do.".

"Jun, you know I love and do care about you. I've been loyal to you. Always. Why can't you for once, support me? I am trying, I really am."

"Maybe, if you weren't this average and unnecessarily fat, it could be hopeful".

I was speechless at that statement.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, Charlotte.No one want to see all of you on their screen. You complain that you got bullied as a waitress. Well news flash, you will get more hate as an actress on the screen. Do you want to be bullied online too?"

My throat tightened.

"I was 'unnecessarily fat' when you approached me. Why didn't you say you didn't like plus size and go for slim women?" I asked with a frown. "I loved you with your flaws too, you know that. Don't act like you're perfect."

Jun scoffed, offended.

He rolled his tongue and looked me up and down.

I looked at myself too,I was wearing something close to a maternity gown. According to Jun that's what suits me the most. Suits my body type,the most.

Since he was my boyfriend I had accepted his dressing choice for myself.

"You're lucky I've put up with you for this long. I've been managing you. Be honest, how many men were there before me? None! It's hard to find a man when you look like a middle aged, divorced single mother with kids. You are twenty-nine and unmarried what did that tell you? You think you have options?"

Those words landed like a slap.