Chapter 1 Red Lines

Tears rolled down my face.

My life was over.

I smoothed the crumpled bedsheet beside me, sniffing the last of his scent that was left on the pillow he used. I closed my eyes tight as I tried hard not to sob. I could feel my throat swelling. My heart was racing. How could such a wonderful thing end so easily and then plummet down to the precipice of sadness and despair? What would I do after all that happened?

My inner wolf was feeling terrible as well, but she made sure she was hidden deep within me, not wanting to burden me more with negative feelings.

Sobs emerged from my throat. I embraced the soft cashmere blanket against my bruised skin. Every inch of me was aching. My eyes caught the blood stain on the bedsheet, making me shudder in pain. Not just physically. I thought my heart was already numb from all the heartbreaks I suffered from loving him. But what happened between me and him was a huge blow of realization caused by my stupid brain.

He will never be yours, Giselle. I whispered inside my head. I had already given everything, and now nothing was left in me but the bitter truth I could still taste at the back of my tongue.

I was never enough. I will never always be enough.

I bit my lower lip hard. So hard that I almost tasted blood, and then anger suddenly rose inside my chest. It burned the miserable feeling in me and acted like gasoline that pumped throughout my veins, urging me to go out of bed and snatch all my clothes from the floor. I was totally alone in his room. He left me without a word, and I thought it was okay. I thought it would be better if I didn’t have to see his face once I left his condo unit and disappeared from his life forever.

I put my clothes on with anger and shivering fingers and checked my face in the mirror first. My eyes were puffy red, and there were bruises visible on my arms and the right side of my neck. Last night was wild and intoxicating. Blissful and thrilling. But morning came, and everything turned bleak and awful, and I just wanted to forget every bit of memory of it.

But it did happen. Every second of it was tattooed on my head, making the tears run freely down my pale cheeks. The delicious sound of his voice when he whimpered my name. His touch made me feel so delicate and weak. Like I was melting butter under his flawlessly sculpted body. He was so handsome. It was as if the gods had molded him into perfection, and no woman could ever resist the animal magnetism of that man!

I shut my eyes tight.

Well, perhaps not my sister, who had a stone for a heart. But it was aggravating that I was not exempted from being a crazy girl who fell in love with a man like him.

“Screw you, Caden!” I snarled under my shivering breath and then punched the mirror with all my strength just to channel the pain away from my heart down to the bleeding knuckles of my small hands.

I could feel the weight of the world falling on my shoulders.

***

[One month later.]

“No, Madelyn. I can’t go out tonight! I have to finish this project before the deadline, okay?” I kept my voice calm as I talked to my best friend Madelyn over the phone. I met her two years ago at an art viewing in one of the museums in this city. She had been insisting on taking me out of the house since last week because, apparently, I now have a habit of imprisoning myself inside my small, old apartment full of canvasses, dirty paintbrushes, and tin cans of paint.

Yes. I sell paintings for a living.

“You have been sick for days, Giselle. For goddess’s sake, you have to get out of your small den and breathe some fresh air! I am scared your brain has already melted with the fumes of those paint chemicals!”

I poured black coffee on my mug and smiled despite my friend’s anxious voice. She was always overprotective of me, and I owe her a lot since I ran away from the pack and home. “Tomorrow. I swear. I am feeling great today, so I will pour all this positive energy into my work and finish it before the deadline. Then I’ll treat you a nice cup of coffee this weekend. Is that good?” I made my voice as cheerful as I could and then made a small sip.

The bitter drink spread all over my mouth, and I almost gagged at the taste. Madelyn heard me and then went into total panic. “Giselle?! Are you alright?! What happened?”

“I’m fine. It’s just the coffee. I forgot the sugar and cream.” I lied to her. The coffee was fine. I just couldn’t understand why my stomach didn’t want it anymore when I used to drink it every morning. “See you later, Madz.”

Before she could even speak again, I hung up the phone and placed the mug on the small wooden dining table. I went straight to the toilet and opened the medicine cabinet. There was a force telling me to open it and take something from it.

I felt like my heart crawled up to my throat.

“Maybe I am just paranoid,” I whispered to myself, but I still took the small white packet. I looked at myself in the mirror and moved sideways, focusing my eyes on my tummy. Then I touched it. Felt it on the palm of my hand, with a scared feeling in my chest.

It couldn’t be.

“It was just a one-night thing! No one gets pregnant like that,” I uttered in a shaky voice, my eyes full of dread as I looked at my face in the mirror. I was too scared to know the truth. I was not ready.

I put the packet of pregnancy tests on the sink, thinking of throwing it in the trash. But then my shuddering fingers took it and tore the plastic packaging.

“There is only one way to find out.” I breathed desperately, trying to get as much courage as I could to do it. My heart was fast, beating wildly against my chest, and I could hear it inside my ear as it throbbed. Softly at first, and then it became louder and louder until I couldn’t hear anything but the thumping of my own heartbeat.

Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum.

Each second that I anxiously stayed inside the toilet made me want to scream. I watched how the red line on the test kit appeared. I held my breath for as long as I could. As if breathing would make the scariest result appear right in front of me.

And it did.

“F*CK!!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs and threw the pregnancy kit on the other side of the tiled wall. “No! This isn’t happening… THIS. IS. NOT. HAPPENING!”

No. No. No. No No…

I heard a loud knock on the door, but I was too weak to go and open it. I sat on the toilet bowl while cold sweat beaded my forehead. I was so confused. I couldn’t believe that one night of mistakes could create something inside me that fast.

I didn’t know if I could raise a child now that I had removed myself from my former pack. I had no one to help me now but my best friend Madelyn, who I was sure would faint once she found out about the truth. About what really happened.

About how Alpha Caden just disappeared like a ghost after he took my virginity that night at my sister’s engagement party.