Why does love feels so uncomfortable

There are two sides to every coin-the head and the tail. In this world, you're only allowed to choose one. But every time I choose, I end up with the tail. The pain is unbearable. It hurts so much that I feel suffocated by what people call "love." Why does it feel like I'm cursed when it comes to love? Sometimes, I think I must have offended my ancestors in a past life, and this is my punishment.

"Lara, what are you doing inside? Dinner is ready," my mom called from outside.

I sluggishly got up from my bed and slipped my feet into my slippers. I looked dejected and worn out-as though life had drained every good thing out of me. I was broken into pieces.

At the dining table, everyone was chatting happily, as if everything was perfectly fine. I sat in silence, alone with my pain. Honestly, it's terrifying. It feels like the world is spinning, but I'm stuck in place. I joined them, pretending everything was okay, hiding my sadness so well that nobody noticed. I didn't want to ruin their happy moment. Their excitement was loud and blinding-so much so that no one saw that I barely touched my food.

After dinner, I quietly returned to my room. Tears welled up in my eyes. I clutched my chest with one hand and covered my mouth with the other, stifling my sobs. I didn't want anyone to hear me cry. I cried bitterly until my tears refused to fall. My eyes turned red and swollen.

Then my phone rang.

It was Lydia-my best friend. I answered with trembling hands. Her voice echoed through the speaker; she was at a bar, and it was noisy in the background. I envied her. Everything seemed to be going well in her life, while I had just endured three heartbreaks back-to-back, with no time to breathe in between. I honestly began to believe I wasn't good enough-that maybe I needed a break from everything.

Lydia's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Are you free tonight?"

The noise made it hard to hear, but I made out her words.

"No, Lydia. I'm busy. Maybe some other time," I said flatly. But deep down, I wanted to go. I wanted to drink all my sorrow away. I just needed a little push.

"Please, babe," she said, "I promise you won't regret it. You've been locking yourself away for three weeks now. Why are you hurting yourself? Just come out already."

She was right. How long was I going to stay like this? Tomson had moved on. Why couldn't I? Why did it still hurt so much? I caught him cheating, and yet he stood in front of everyone and declared I was just his plaything. It hurt so much-but what could I do?

"I'll be there," I finally said.

"Thank you, buddy!" she said excitedly and hung up.

I exhaled and stood up. I picked out my red dress-it stopped just at my knees. I let my hair down, brushed it until it flowed freely, and applied a bit of makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I slipped into my white sneakers and headed out.

Downstairs, I saw my mom and younger brother talking excitedly. Ever since my brother got into Oxford University on a scholarship, my parents barely paid attention to me. I'd become a ghost in the house-a shadow. Sometimes, I even questioned my own existence.

I watched them laughing as I descended the stairs.

"Mom," I said.

She turned to me with a smile, but it quickly vanished the moment she saw me. It was awkward, but I was used to it by now.

"I'm heading out," I said.

She just nodded without saying a word.

These past few days, everything has been overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice if I disappeared. I stepped out and gently closed the door behind me.

When I got to the clubhouse, the whole place was jam-packed. The music was too loud, but I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Oh my, it's been a while. At least I'll find a moment to release all this stress.

I managed to communicate with Lydia-she came out to pick me, and we entered the VIP section together. It was quiet and cozy, with only a few people inside. The atmosphere was comfortable. Lydia hugged me tightly as we sat down.

"I knew you'd make it through. You're beautiful, Lara. Don't let those fools deceive you. You hear me?"

"Let's order drinks," she added.

She placed the order, and I watched her closely. How come she's the only one who truly understands me?

When the waiter brought the wine, I didn't even let him pour it into a glass. I grabbed the bottle and gulped it down.

Lydia was stunned. "Slow down, Lara! You'll choke."

But I didn't stop. I finished the whole bottle, and my head began to spin. The music blended into a rhythm I couldn't understand. I ordered more. Drank more. Lydia tried to stop me, but I wouldn't budge.

"I'm tired of this freaking life!" I shouted.

The next morning, I woke up on a soft bed-too comfortable to be mine. I didn't even bother to check my surroundings. I just wanted to sleep forever. But then... my eyes fluttered open.

Memories from the night before crashed into my head.

I had entered a stranger's house. Vomited on his clothes. "Oh no."

While I was still trying to make sense of everything, a deep voice pierced the silence.

"I'm sure you slept well."

I froze. My body turned into a statue. That wasn't my room.

"Are you mute now? Too bad. I remember you gave me your shoes to wash... and even started stripping-"

"Stop!" I screamed. "Stop all these embarrassing jokes."

"How much is it... per night?" I asked, still refusing to look at him.

"Two million dollars," he replied calmly.

I turned around immediately.

There he was-a well-built young man, seated elegantly.